As I know I've blogged about at least once before, from time to time I at least try to read up a bit on what's going on in politics. Trouble is, EVERY time I do, I am reminded how much I despise what is now American politics. Surely the circus we have today is not what the founding fathers really envisioned. They were very smart from everything I can tell. They were even smart enough not to create a democracy in America. Yes, I said America is not a real democracy. Look it up. It is in fact a democratic republic. There is a big difference. If you don't know the difference, well, I guess you have homework. That's what you get for visiting a blog called 'I was thinking...'. Sometimes you'll have to think for yourself a bit. Anyway, I digress.
I was reading this article talking yet again about the race that just won't end. Then near the end, on page 3, I saw something that once again made my skin crawl. According to this article, if you combine what all the candidates (past and present) have spent so far in this year's race, it totals out at 1 Billion dollars. That's right, Billion with a B. That's this: $1,000,000,000. Now I know I'm not to good with really any number ending with -illion as far as putting in context. The article did that for me, though. Basically, 1 billion dollars would almost fund the Red Cross' relief operations WORLDWIDE this year.
Instead, we get constant dueling soundbites, some signs and bumper stickers, commercials tearing opponents down, and late night comic fodder. What has gone so wrong?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What you see / What I see
You see an extremely happy child who is friendly to everyone he meets.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.
You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.
You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?
You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.
Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.
You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.
You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?
You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.
Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
silent long enough?
Well, I've been pretty quiet of late in blogland. I haven't forgotten about all of you out there. I know times are tough, and I pray for you and your struggles daily.
I've been torn, though, in my thoughts about writing. I guess the truth is that I know my thoughts may not be the popular ones, and so I've just sort of kept quiet.
I think I've decided to throw a few things out there now though. I still read most of the blogs I read before, and I still check the Guatemala adoption news websites pretty frequently, too.
Right now, there's lots going on, and lots of rumors, attacks, etc. As a preamble to some of what I may say, please remember before you crucify me here or elsewhere, or delete me forever from your list of blogs visited, that I was there, and did suffer through a hell of my own with our adoption. Sure, the details were different, but I am not some mere bystander who has no business speaking about any of this at all because I have no idea. I will go so far as to say that for most of the people I know about using the same hogar we did, even if your cases went (God forbid) another year from today, their overall timelines still wouldn't exceed ours. Now that I've made my preliminary defenses, here's what I think about some of the stuff I've seen lately.
Most people still want adoption to be beautiful and pretty for lack of better words. The truth is, that for there to even be the possibility of an adoption, there is serious pain and loss somewhere, and likely in lots of places. If you really view it from all the sides, there are sides that are and always will be tough to look at. We as Christians always love to parallel adoption here with our adopted status as children of God. This presence of pain and loss still exists in that analogy. Remember, for our adoption to happen there, Christ died on a cruel, ugly, painful cross. His Father sent Him to die. The picture isn't pretty from all sides.
Then there's so much of the attitude of I want things to be better, but I don't want it to affect me to get there. Everyone seems willing to admit corruption and problems exist, but nobody thinks it could possibly exist in theirs. Well, it's there somewhere, so I hate to say it does have to be in someone's. Having a Christian agency/hogar doesn't necessarily mean anything either if you were wondering. I can prove mine to be liars, as can many of you. If they and/or the attorneys (whom they love to blame stuff on) will lie about something as mundane as an update, who are you to say they won't lie about the larger stuff? To the agencies, it's more about getting it done so they can get paid. To directly quote one of my agencies employees from a public site 'WE WORKED WITH [ATTORNEY X] IN THE PAST AND HE IS GOOD, BUT EXTREMELY SLOW AND WOULD OFTEN LIE, BUT HIS CASES DID GET DONE.' I ask again why a Christian agency would still call a known liar good?
People have bashed everyone over the plans of birthmother interviews, calling them everything from immoral to illegal. First, let me say I am not saying I agree with all the rumored methods of these interviews, but I do support the right of the PGN to do them. I don't think it violated any of the grandfathering agreements. Again, I don't say this as an outsider, but as someone who long before this grandfathering mess had to deal with PGN requiring an extra interview. Did I like it? NO! Did I think it inappropriate in theory? No, I think and thought it is reasonable to take the steps to make sure if that's what it really took. (Remember, adoption isn't always pretty. It shouldn't be too easy, just like it shouldn't be impossible.)
Then there's a crowd up in arms against the State Dept for 'abandoning' them in this mess. The main problem I have with this, is that the loudest voices I see in this crowd are the ones who mere months ago totally dismissed the quite clear and quite stern warnings the State Dept made about starting new adoptions. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but sometimes when you blatantly and purposefully ignore all the warning signs, you have to accept the consequences of those choices, and don't really get to then bash the people who warned you for not running immediately to your aid in exactly the way you see fit. Are things really that different from exactly what they warned was probably going to happen? What more exactly were they supposed to do to 'protect' you?
Anyway, I'll shutup now. I really do think PGN should get it together. If they have indeed already approved some cases, get those done and move on to approving others. If they need to do more, then don't call them approved, just do what is needed already, whatever that is.
Sorry if I hurt anyone. It wasn't my intent.
I've been torn, though, in my thoughts about writing. I guess the truth is that I know my thoughts may not be the popular ones, and so I've just sort of kept quiet.
I think I've decided to throw a few things out there now though. I still read most of the blogs I read before, and I still check the Guatemala adoption news websites pretty frequently, too.
Right now, there's lots going on, and lots of rumors, attacks, etc. As a preamble to some of what I may say, please remember before you crucify me here or elsewhere, or delete me forever from your list of blogs visited, that I was there, and did suffer through a hell of my own with our adoption. Sure, the details were different, but I am not some mere bystander who has no business speaking about any of this at all because I have no idea. I will go so far as to say that for most of the people I know about using the same hogar we did, even if your cases went (God forbid) another year from today, their overall timelines still wouldn't exceed ours. Now that I've made my preliminary defenses, here's what I think about some of the stuff I've seen lately.
Most people still want adoption to be beautiful and pretty for lack of better words. The truth is, that for there to even be the possibility of an adoption, there is serious pain and loss somewhere, and likely in lots of places. If you really view it from all the sides, there are sides that are and always will be tough to look at. We as Christians always love to parallel adoption here with our adopted status as children of God. This presence of pain and loss still exists in that analogy. Remember, for our adoption to happen there, Christ died on a cruel, ugly, painful cross. His Father sent Him to die. The picture isn't pretty from all sides.
Then there's so much of the attitude of I want things to be better, but I don't want it to affect me to get there. Everyone seems willing to admit corruption and problems exist, but nobody thinks it could possibly exist in theirs. Well, it's there somewhere, so I hate to say it does have to be in someone's. Having a Christian agency/hogar doesn't necessarily mean anything either if you were wondering. I can prove mine to be liars, as can many of you. If they and/or the attorneys (whom they love to blame stuff on) will lie about something as mundane as an update, who are you to say they won't lie about the larger stuff? To the agencies, it's more about getting it done so they can get paid. To directly quote one of my agencies employees from a public site 'WE WORKED WITH [ATTORNEY X] IN THE PAST AND HE IS GOOD, BUT EXTREMELY SLOW AND WOULD OFTEN LIE, BUT HIS CASES DID GET DONE.' I ask again why a Christian agency would still call a known liar good?
People have bashed everyone over the plans of birthmother interviews, calling them everything from immoral to illegal. First, let me say I am not saying I agree with all the rumored methods of these interviews, but I do support the right of the PGN to do them. I don't think it violated any of the grandfathering agreements. Again, I don't say this as an outsider, but as someone who long before this grandfathering mess had to deal with PGN requiring an extra interview. Did I like it? NO! Did I think it inappropriate in theory? No, I think and thought it is reasonable to take the steps to make sure if that's what it really took. (Remember, adoption isn't always pretty. It shouldn't be too easy, just like it shouldn't be impossible.)
Then there's a crowd up in arms against the State Dept for 'abandoning' them in this mess. The main problem I have with this, is that the loudest voices I see in this crowd are the ones who mere months ago totally dismissed the quite clear and quite stern warnings the State Dept made about starting new adoptions. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but sometimes when you blatantly and purposefully ignore all the warning signs, you have to accept the consequences of those choices, and don't really get to then bash the people who warned you for not running immediately to your aid in exactly the way you see fit. Are things really that different from exactly what they warned was probably going to happen? What more exactly were they supposed to do to 'protect' you?
Anyway, I'll shutup now. I really do think PGN should get it together. If they have indeed already approved some cases, get those done and move on to approving others. If they need to do more, then don't call them approved, just do what is needed already, whatever that is.
Sorry if I hurt anyone. It wasn't my intent.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A special prayer request
Thursday night, my aunt lost her 7 year off and on battle with cancer. The funeral is today. Please pray for the family. She leaves behind 3 children: 15 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, 8 yr old son. They are great kids who have experienced so much. She was a great lady who thought of others even in the midst of her struggles.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
One of those days...
or evenings at least. Tonight was one of those nights when I looked into the eyes of my boy, and my heart hurt for him. For whatever reason, at supper tonight at church, he just couldn't seem to handle it. He kicked, screamed (a lot), and threw things. Parts of it are 'normal' toddler issues I'm sure, but my gut also said my boy is grieving a bit. Weird thing is, with him there throwing a fit in my arms, I am fairly certain many folks were looking, but even as I thought about it, I didn't care. I didn't really even look to find out. I just kept looking at my boy and quietly telling him I loved him. Was I frustrated? Absolutely! but somehow, I didn't matter so much. I knew I just needed to keep quiet and calm for him. It's hard to describe as it was sort of surreal. He's such an awesome kid. I'm happy to say that even though he had several more bouts of intense crying, once we made it home, he and I had a lot of fun. I needed some stuff at wal-mart, but that was best left for another time. We just came home and continued to play and talk and laugh. He so loves to laugh.
My apologies for a bit of a ramble, especially after a bit of a hiatus. It's just that lately nothing seems to stop. There's more to do than can be done at times, and at others I'm still too tired to do what can, so blogging is left a little behind.
To my friends there in blogland, just know that your struggles, whatever they may be and however visible they may be or not be, are real, but there are people out there who love you, and pray for you daily.
In fact, there's also a Heavenly Father holding you in his arms whispering, shhh. I love you. shhh. I love you forever....
My apologies for a bit of a ramble, especially after a bit of a hiatus. It's just that lately nothing seems to stop. There's more to do than can be done at times, and at others I'm still too tired to do what can, so blogging is left a little behind.
To my friends there in blogland, just know that your struggles, whatever they may be and however visible they may be or not be, are real, but there are people out there who love you, and pray for you daily.
In fact, there's also a Heavenly Father holding you in his arms whispering, shhh. I love you. shhh. I love you forever....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
