Even 6 months later, so many questions still remain for me about some of the deplorable things said and done to us by the people we worked with in this process.
Before I get to the ones I have, maybe I'll head off one of yours first. Why don't I just let it go? Primarily because I fear it still goes on to a great degree, and will continue should adoptions resume. Also, and perhaps just as importantly, due to the severity of it, and what the actions told me about those involved. You see, we didn't just have a long process, with lots of bumps. That is true, but many of the bumps could have been anticipated if the agency had just even communicated with each other. The worst things though, were the two specific threats, made not by the stateside agency personnel, but by the missionary directors of the hogar itself. The first threat was 16 months post-referral and in response to a very non-threatening, friendly and pleading e-mail sent by someone in our family other than us without our prior knowledge. The response to this plea for help was that if we were upset, then perhaps they'd need to send us to anger management before they could place our son with us. That's right, because someone else asked for help on our behalf, they suggested keeping our son from us. Keep in mind we had extremely limited direct contact with them, and had no problems whatsoever with our local and actual placing agency who did our homestudy and had at least weekly contact with us over most stretches.
The second and most severe blow in the whole process came at what should have been the happiest time short of actually being in Guatemala, receiving our pink appointment. Throughout our process, we were told on at least 4 specific and documented occasions certain fees wouldn't be owed due to the nature of some of our delays (including the attorney's extreme slowness). In the end these fees were charged anyway, and when we paid all fees but those, (again with our local agency's agreement), instead of our travel arrangement being made, the director of the home sent a letter which stated (after we already had an appointment date): "I advise you not to make travel arrangements", and again later "We need to get that taken care of before you travel.".
After 21 months of waiting post referral and our legally completed adoption, they essentially advised us they would hold our son from us until we paid them fees that their agency had advised wouldn't be owed.
Sure, judge me if you will as that's your right, but be careful if you didn't walk our road, and walk it for the length of time we did. You don't know the number of times we were lied to through the process itself, and the months we spent not waiting on the government, but just waiting on our own agency and attorney to take simple actions. (We spent more time out of PGN than in.) You don't know how unprepared they were to advise us about our case. However, if you're wondering before you judge, yes we did pay the money, because above all we wanted our son home with as little more pain as possible (for him and us), and that seemed to be the only way at the time. I still fully believe it contradicted everything we were told, and that it was an utterly awful way for people claiming to be who they are to handle the matter. It is not as if they did not have our entire life history and complete identity at their disposal to discuss the matter or pursue the money by any number of other means without placing our son directly in the middle of it. It did (and does) feel very much at times like a ransom or extortion.
However, I'm not trying to attack. I offer as evidence of that I've still chosen not to use names at this time. Like I said, I just still have so many questions, not just about how we were treated, but also about so many other things, and how others were treated.
Truth is, most families that have ever contacted us lived in extreme fear of these people and what they might do, just because they were contacting someone else for support, for answers, or just for a simple chat. Is that the way we should have to feel working with professing Christians?
Why is it that the agency and hogar directors were always so adamantly opposed to families having as much information as possible, and/or contacting Guatemala?
Why is it that with all the many requests made for support over the past 2-2.5 years, that the hogar directors have both a new house stateside and a new one built on campus in Guatemala?
What about the sports complex built there, and the new fences, porches, workshops, sewing rooms? The new chapel just started this year?
It's not that these aren't good things, but I just can't make it make sense when they repeatedly keep saying there's no more money left for formula for the children, especially if the ones who are matched with a family are being supported by the families themselves. Where are the priorities?
As to their own talk about shutting down if adoptions stop, is it therefore really a children's home/orphanage for any child in need, or just a nice place for only adoptable or possibly adoptable children? Won't there be that much more need when adoptions do stop?
Why do they stop giving formula at 6 months switching to milk, when that's against almost any pediatricians' recommendations, and quite possibly unsafe? Again, aren't most of the children being directly supported by a family? Again, were the buildings that much higher priority?
Why were parents recently told the chicken pox vaccine was given, but it seems it may not have been?
Why can no one still seem to give me a clear and thorough answer regarding who Belia is and what exactly her title is, or her specific role (and compensation) in the adoptions are?
Why would they ever use any attorney they themselves knew lied often?
Why is the agency for-profit?
Why is the children's home also still not listed as tax-exempt non-profit? They've been reportedly working on it since 2006. What is the hold-up? I don't think it can all be blamed on the IRS can it?
Why are the hogar directors also employees of the agency itself ? (With that being the case, why isn't the communication any better?)
With all family employed at the agency (except perhaps at best one), what oversight is there by an outside the family source?
Why are some people who visit (whether families or work teams) scolded for trying to keep other families informed or providing extra pics, or forbidden up front from doing so?
What about their Hague accredidation? Is there any status yet on that, or explanation on why they still aren't approved as of the last list released.
Why has it seemed lately the missionary directors spend at least as much or more time stateside than in Guatemala?
Why would they ever think it was okay to refer some children to two different families? Is there ever a reason that could be okay if one family wasn't definitely 100% out of the picture?
Why aren't the children more regularly seen and examined by a doctor? Why aren't better records kept for the visits that do take place? Why does there so often seem to be some confusion about the medications and doses the children should get?
This was a very very long post I know, but it was a long road, and as you can see, there were and are lots of questions.
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
What's this?
That's right, a 2 for 1 special tonight. One click, two posts. The other just didn't fit here, but was something I wanted to say. The rest also probably doesn't fit together either, but oh well, here goes.
First, keep praying for our sweet boy and for us as his parents, and A as his sister. Really, we are doing very well, but at the same time, we are still struggling. Some things are subtle. You might not see them, but we do. It seems like lately some of it I would describe as peeling back layers, a little at the time. Some of what we see now, if I think back, was there all along, but because there were more obvious things needing immediate attention, I couldn't really see it yet. As we take positive steps here, I see more needs there. It's also not a steady forward progression either. Just like the process before (and really life in general), we still have the ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like one step forward, two steps back. But, I love him more than I could describe. Eating dinner tonight, I was just struck again with how beautiful he really is, and what great children I have. A is such a great sister. She's loving having someone to teach things to, and he follows her lead so sweetly more often than not.
Second, please pray for so many families still struggling right now in the process. Their stories cover the entire range of possibilities. Several dear friends have known for months they wouldn't bring children home from Guatemala under the old processes. Others are in complete limbo as people needed to complete the process are missing. If they aren't found, no one really knows what might happen. Others are stuck here and there in various different parts of government bureaucracy. Perhaps worst of all, though, is that many of these have to live through this in fear. Not fear of the process itself, but fear of the ones who were and are supposed to help them along this path. Fear of the ones who they are paying so much money to be their guides. Fear of the care their children are getting because some decisions seem to be based more on money for those people or their other plans than what is best for the children. Fear of people who call themselves Christian, but very often do not show it in their actions. Fear of what those people might do if you simply ask a question and certainly what might happen if you stand up to them. It's a tough place to be. I was there, and to some degree still am at times.
That obviously isn't a popular thing to say. Guess what? I was never really that popular anyway. I'm used to it. I have done some 'soul-searching' for lack of a better term recently about if and what I should talk about lately regarding all that happened to us and things still happening. I'm still working it out, but after some personal fervent prayer during Sunday School prayer time yesterday, our lesson crossed over this verse. Acts 4:20.
Friends, my prayers are with you. You're not alone.
First, keep praying for our sweet boy and for us as his parents, and A as his sister. Really, we are doing very well, but at the same time, we are still struggling. Some things are subtle. You might not see them, but we do. It seems like lately some of it I would describe as peeling back layers, a little at the time. Some of what we see now, if I think back, was there all along, but because there were more obvious things needing immediate attention, I couldn't really see it yet. As we take positive steps here, I see more needs there. It's also not a steady forward progression either. Just like the process before (and really life in general), we still have the ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like one step forward, two steps back. But, I love him more than I could describe. Eating dinner tonight, I was just struck again with how beautiful he really is, and what great children I have. A is such a great sister. She's loving having someone to teach things to, and he follows her lead so sweetly more often than not.
Second, please pray for so many families still struggling right now in the process. Their stories cover the entire range of possibilities. Several dear friends have known for months they wouldn't bring children home from Guatemala under the old processes. Others are in complete limbo as people needed to complete the process are missing. If they aren't found, no one really knows what might happen. Others are stuck here and there in various different parts of government bureaucracy. Perhaps worst of all, though, is that many of these have to live through this in fear. Not fear of the process itself, but fear of the ones who were and are supposed to help them along this path. Fear of the ones who they are paying so much money to be their guides. Fear of the care their children are getting because some decisions seem to be based more on money for those people or their other plans than what is best for the children. Fear of people who call themselves Christian, but very often do not show it in their actions. Fear of what those people might do if you simply ask a question and certainly what might happen if you stand up to them. It's a tough place to be. I was there, and to some degree still am at times.
That obviously isn't a popular thing to say. Guess what? I was never really that popular anyway. I'm used to it. I have done some 'soul-searching' for lack of a better term recently about if and what I should talk about lately regarding all that happened to us and things still happening. I'm still working it out, but after some personal fervent prayer during Sunday School prayer time yesterday, our lesson crossed over this verse. Acts 4:20.
Friends, my prayers are with you. You're not alone.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Father's Day
Honestly, I'm still wrapping my head around all that was today. Yes, it was Father's Day, but as wonderful as that was, it was a bit on the backburner since today was also J's dedication day at church. Now, normally I don't make much of parent/baby dedication. Since I'm being honest, it's nice and all, but just something that I have never made much of a fuss over. Sort of one of those things everyone just does just because. And going into it this week, I feared it more than I was excited about it. J just has shown us things over the past few weeks and I wasn't sure how he'd handle it. I was scared we'd have 'the meltdown' in front of the world. And really I didn't want that for him, as I finally feel like this week was the first week I've felt good about our progress here in a while.
So, it went superb. I told my wife, that if I could have imagined it going as great as possible, I wouldn't have imagined him doing that well. Thinking about this day, I went through many variations of what I might like done or said: If I wanted someone to say his verse in Spanish, how much to mention about the adoption, what dates to list, etc. In the end, it was extremely simple, nothing different from any other family, the word adoption never mentioned, and it was perfect. And during the dedicatory prayer, so much emotion filled me that I'm still not sure what it was all about. I held it together, but inside I have to tell you I was swirling. Even after we took the kids out, had a few more pics, and then came back in, I couldn't even sing along with one of the songs for fear of the tears streaming down. Not sad tears, just that uncontrollable emotion that leaks out the eyes because it just can't stay in.
Then, the sermon, with no human coordination at all, because our interim pastor doesn't usually get then info on baby dedications until the day of, came from Galatians 4:1-7. It discussed what else, but our adoption as sons.
Like I said, I still can't wrap my head around all that happened or exactly what I was feeling today. But I'll try to spit some of it out if I can make it make sense.
The now prior Int'l Director (among many others) at our in town agency says that he feels EVERY Christian should at least consider if God may lead them to adoption. I cannot help but agree. It definitely isn't for everyone, but it really should be considered. So many times I've heard people say they just can't understand adoption. If you as a Christian can't 'understand' adoption, how can you really understand God's adoption of us. That is exactly what it is, and those are the Bible's words, not mine.
The other thing I think I'm learning is that just like I'm learning new things all the time about my salvation and life in Christ, and all that really means, I am even still learning more and more about this adoption. It's not something that has happened in the past and is now done, but something that's still developing and growing as well.
Love to you all. Thanks for your continued prayers. Know my prayers continue for you all as well. - T
So, it went superb. I told my wife, that if I could have imagined it going as great as possible, I wouldn't have imagined him doing that well. Thinking about this day, I went through many variations of what I might like done or said: If I wanted someone to say his verse in Spanish, how much to mention about the adoption, what dates to list, etc. In the end, it was extremely simple, nothing different from any other family, the word adoption never mentioned, and it was perfect. And during the dedicatory prayer, so much emotion filled me that I'm still not sure what it was all about. I held it together, but inside I have to tell you I was swirling. Even after we took the kids out, had a few more pics, and then came back in, I couldn't even sing along with one of the songs for fear of the tears streaming down. Not sad tears, just that uncontrollable emotion that leaks out the eyes because it just can't stay in.
Then, the sermon, with no human coordination at all, because our interim pastor doesn't usually get then info on baby dedications until the day of, came from Galatians 4:1-7. It discussed what else, but our adoption as sons.
Like I said, I still can't wrap my head around all that happened or exactly what I was feeling today. But I'll try to spit some of it out if I can make it make sense.
The now prior Int'l Director (among many others) at our in town agency says that he feels EVERY Christian should at least consider if God may lead them to adoption. I cannot help but agree. It definitely isn't for everyone, but it really should be considered. So many times I've heard people say they just can't understand adoption. If you as a Christian can't 'understand' adoption, how can you really understand God's adoption of us. That is exactly what it is, and those are the Bible's words, not mine.
The other thing I think I'm learning is that just like I'm learning new things all the time about my salvation and life in Christ, and all that really means, I am even still learning more and more about this adoption. It's not something that has happened in the past and is now done, but something that's still developing and growing as well.
Love to you all. Thanks for your continued prayers. Know my prayers continue for you all as well. - T
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What you see / What I see
You see an extremely happy child who is friendly to everyone he meets.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.
You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.
You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?
You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.
Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.
You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.
You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?
You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.
Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
silent long enough?
Well, I've been pretty quiet of late in blogland. I haven't forgotten about all of you out there. I know times are tough, and I pray for you and your struggles daily.
I've been torn, though, in my thoughts about writing. I guess the truth is that I know my thoughts may not be the popular ones, and so I've just sort of kept quiet.
I think I've decided to throw a few things out there now though. I still read most of the blogs I read before, and I still check the Guatemala adoption news websites pretty frequently, too.
Right now, there's lots going on, and lots of rumors, attacks, etc. As a preamble to some of what I may say, please remember before you crucify me here or elsewhere, or delete me forever from your list of blogs visited, that I was there, and did suffer through a hell of my own with our adoption. Sure, the details were different, but I am not some mere bystander who has no business speaking about any of this at all because I have no idea. I will go so far as to say that for most of the people I know about using the same hogar we did, even if your cases went (God forbid) another year from today, their overall timelines still wouldn't exceed ours. Now that I've made my preliminary defenses, here's what I think about some of the stuff I've seen lately.
Most people still want adoption to be beautiful and pretty for lack of better words. The truth is, that for there to even be the possibility of an adoption, there is serious pain and loss somewhere, and likely in lots of places. If you really view it from all the sides, there are sides that are and always will be tough to look at. We as Christians always love to parallel adoption here with our adopted status as children of God. This presence of pain and loss still exists in that analogy. Remember, for our adoption to happen there, Christ died on a cruel, ugly, painful cross. His Father sent Him to die. The picture isn't pretty from all sides.
Then there's so much of the attitude of I want things to be better, but I don't want it to affect me to get there. Everyone seems willing to admit corruption and problems exist, but nobody thinks it could possibly exist in theirs. Well, it's there somewhere, so I hate to say it does have to be in someone's. Having a Christian agency/hogar doesn't necessarily mean anything either if you were wondering. I can prove mine to be liars, as can many of you. If they and/or the attorneys (whom they love to blame stuff on) will lie about something as mundane as an update, who are you to say they won't lie about the larger stuff? To the agencies, it's more about getting it done so they can get paid. To directly quote one of my agencies employees from a public site 'WE WORKED WITH [ATTORNEY X] IN THE PAST AND HE IS GOOD, BUT EXTREMELY SLOW AND WOULD OFTEN LIE, BUT HIS CASES DID GET DONE.' I ask again why a Christian agency would still call a known liar good?
People have bashed everyone over the plans of birthmother interviews, calling them everything from immoral to illegal. First, let me say I am not saying I agree with all the rumored methods of these interviews, but I do support the right of the PGN to do them. I don't think it violated any of the grandfathering agreements. Again, I don't say this as an outsider, but as someone who long before this grandfathering mess had to deal with PGN requiring an extra interview. Did I like it? NO! Did I think it inappropriate in theory? No, I think and thought it is reasonable to take the steps to make sure if that's what it really took. (Remember, adoption isn't always pretty. It shouldn't be too easy, just like it shouldn't be impossible.)
Then there's a crowd up in arms against the State Dept for 'abandoning' them in this mess. The main problem I have with this, is that the loudest voices I see in this crowd are the ones who mere months ago totally dismissed the quite clear and quite stern warnings the State Dept made about starting new adoptions. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but sometimes when you blatantly and purposefully ignore all the warning signs, you have to accept the consequences of those choices, and don't really get to then bash the people who warned you for not running immediately to your aid in exactly the way you see fit. Are things really that different from exactly what they warned was probably going to happen? What more exactly were they supposed to do to 'protect' you?
Anyway, I'll shutup now. I really do think PGN should get it together. If they have indeed already approved some cases, get those done and move on to approving others. If they need to do more, then don't call them approved, just do what is needed already, whatever that is.
Sorry if I hurt anyone. It wasn't my intent.
I've been torn, though, in my thoughts about writing. I guess the truth is that I know my thoughts may not be the popular ones, and so I've just sort of kept quiet.
I think I've decided to throw a few things out there now though. I still read most of the blogs I read before, and I still check the Guatemala adoption news websites pretty frequently, too.
Right now, there's lots going on, and lots of rumors, attacks, etc. As a preamble to some of what I may say, please remember before you crucify me here or elsewhere, or delete me forever from your list of blogs visited, that I was there, and did suffer through a hell of my own with our adoption. Sure, the details were different, but I am not some mere bystander who has no business speaking about any of this at all because I have no idea. I will go so far as to say that for most of the people I know about using the same hogar we did, even if your cases went (God forbid) another year from today, their overall timelines still wouldn't exceed ours. Now that I've made my preliminary defenses, here's what I think about some of the stuff I've seen lately.
Most people still want adoption to be beautiful and pretty for lack of better words. The truth is, that for there to even be the possibility of an adoption, there is serious pain and loss somewhere, and likely in lots of places. If you really view it from all the sides, there are sides that are and always will be tough to look at. We as Christians always love to parallel adoption here with our adopted status as children of God. This presence of pain and loss still exists in that analogy. Remember, for our adoption to happen there, Christ died on a cruel, ugly, painful cross. His Father sent Him to die. The picture isn't pretty from all sides.
Then there's so much of the attitude of I want things to be better, but I don't want it to affect me to get there. Everyone seems willing to admit corruption and problems exist, but nobody thinks it could possibly exist in theirs. Well, it's there somewhere, so I hate to say it does have to be in someone's. Having a Christian agency/hogar doesn't necessarily mean anything either if you were wondering. I can prove mine to be liars, as can many of you. If they and/or the attorneys (whom they love to blame stuff on) will lie about something as mundane as an update, who are you to say they won't lie about the larger stuff? To the agencies, it's more about getting it done so they can get paid. To directly quote one of my agencies employees from a public site 'WE WORKED WITH [ATTORNEY X] IN THE PAST AND HE IS GOOD, BUT EXTREMELY SLOW AND WOULD OFTEN LIE, BUT HIS CASES DID GET DONE.' I ask again why a Christian agency would still call a known liar good?
People have bashed everyone over the plans of birthmother interviews, calling them everything from immoral to illegal. First, let me say I am not saying I agree with all the rumored methods of these interviews, but I do support the right of the PGN to do them. I don't think it violated any of the grandfathering agreements. Again, I don't say this as an outsider, but as someone who long before this grandfathering mess had to deal with PGN requiring an extra interview. Did I like it? NO! Did I think it inappropriate in theory? No, I think and thought it is reasonable to take the steps to make sure if that's what it really took. (Remember, adoption isn't always pretty. It shouldn't be too easy, just like it shouldn't be impossible.)
Then there's a crowd up in arms against the State Dept for 'abandoning' them in this mess. The main problem I have with this, is that the loudest voices I see in this crowd are the ones who mere months ago totally dismissed the quite clear and quite stern warnings the State Dept made about starting new adoptions. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but sometimes when you blatantly and purposefully ignore all the warning signs, you have to accept the consequences of those choices, and don't really get to then bash the people who warned you for not running immediately to your aid in exactly the way you see fit. Are things really that different from exactly what they warned was probably going to happen? What more exactly were they supposed to do to 'protect' you?
Anyway, I'll shutup now. I really do think PGN should get it together. If they have indeed already approved some cases, get those done and move on to approving others. If they need to do more, then don't call them approved, just do what is needed already, whatever that is.
Sorry if I hurt anyone. It wasn't my intent.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
A risky post...
because I know there are lots of 'Hague-haters' in the adoption world right now. I'm probably not a lover of it myself. I certainly think Guatemala's implementation of it (more appropriately the lack thereof), is tragic and sad. However, from much of what I've learned and researched, the U.S. implementation of the Hague really seems in intent to have a lot of elements to actually protect children, birth parents, and especially prospective adoptive parents, who previously really had no protections. And please realize that though the two do affect each other, they are absolutely separate in application. Is it perfect? No, I'm sure it's not, but neither am I. If you haven't noticed, I do have a few sidebar links that are actually pretty informative regarding this, including one directed specifically to PAP's.
What I really wanted to post about tonight though, isn't exactly that. My thoughts tonight are more to if anyone might be considering another adoption in the near future. I think they can probably apply regardless of how you feel about the Hague itself. If you do think of adopting again, I might encourage you to take a look at the list of currently approved providers as a start. I only know one of them firsthand, and they aren't perfect either, but I do respect them greatly. I say this about using the current list for these reasons. (A bit like my analogies of old). Let's consider their accreditation in light of your considered adoption. Lots of agencies not on the list right now might say, well, it was so expensive. Heads up, so is your adoption, and if they aren't willing to shell out the resources when it's in their own best interests, are they for you to help your adoption happen? How about there was just so much paperwork and info required. Again, if they can't handle it timely for themselves, how thoroughly and accurately are they going to review your box of paperwork you have to submit for your adoption? We just didn't have the staff. Well, will they have time for your questions, or will that have to wait, too? We didn't even get the requirements until a few months ago. Shouldn't they be out there seeking out what's up constantly, keeping up with any changes, and getting that info in the right hands? Or do you want to get stuck somewhere in the process because they didn't keep up and were always waiting on someone else to advise them of the changes? Maybe they have too many offices to get finished. Is that what you want, a risk of misinformation between so many folks?
I guess all I am saying is that the ones that are on the list by now, at least in theory, might be the ones who really knew their stuff, worked quickly, and did whatever it took to make sure they were where they needed to be when they needed to be there. Admittedly, it was their interests they were looking out for and not yours, but perhaps what I'm saying is they at least seem to have the capability to transfer that determination to your case.
I'm in no way saying there aren't other good ones. I must say my experience jaded me to the point I question if there might be ANY great ones. It's really just something I was thinking...
Feel free to grill me if you disagree. I like trying to see different sides of an issue, whether I always agree or not.
What I really wanted to post about tonight though, isn't exactly that. My thoughts tonight are more to if anyone might be considering another adoption in the near future. I think they can probably apply regardless of how you feel about the Hague itself. If you do think of adopting again, I might encourage you to take a look at the list of currently approved providers as a start. I only know one of them firsthand, and they aren't perfect either, but I do respect them greatly. I say this about using the current list for these reasons. (A bit like my analogies of old). Let's consider their accreditation in light of your considered adoption. Lots of agencies not on the list right now might say, well, it was so expensive. Heads up, so is your adoption, and if they aren't willing to shell out the resources when it's in their own best interests, are they for you to help your adoption happen? How about there was just so much paperwork and info required. Again, if they can't handle it timely for themselves, how thoroughly and accurately are they going to review your box of paperwork you have to submit for your adoption? We just didn't have the staff. Well, will they have time for your questions, or will that have to wait, too? We didn't even get the requirements until a few months ago. Shouldn't they be out there seeking out what's up constantly, keeping up with any changes, and getting that info in the right hands? Or do you want to get stuck somewhere in the process because they didn't keep up and were always waiting on someone else to advise them of the changes? Maybe they have too many offices to get finished. Is that what you want, a risk of misinformation between so many folks?
I guess all I am saying is that the ones that are on the list by now, at least in theory, might be the ones who really knew their stuff, worked quickly, and did whatever it took to make sure they were where they needed to be when they needed to be there. Admittedly, it was their interests they were looking out for and not yours, but perhaps what I'm saying is they at least seem to have the capability to transfer that determination to your case.
I'm in no way saying there aren't other good ones. I must say my experience jaded me to the point I question if there might be ANY great ones. It's really just something I was thinking...
Feel free to grill me if you disagree. I like trying to see different sides of an issue, whether I always agree or not.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
It is done...
There are several reasons for my not posting lately. If you read my wife's blog, you know one was me getting sick. Thankfully I have recovered. The other has had to do with having another task I needed to complete. Before I felt I could begin to say some of the things I still need to say here, I needed to have the letter already written to go directly to the people involved. As the title indicates, I sealed that letter a few moments ago to be dropped in the mail tomorrow.
Now is still not yet the time to go into all the details, but if you've read my blog for any length of time, you have to have some idea that our experiences were not pleasant working with them during our adoption. While there are perhaps some details you do know, I assure you there are many others you may not. Even in saying this much, I do not want to be vindictive, but I must be open and honest.
Everything from all different parts of my life has been reassuring me that it was absolutely necessary for me to send this letter. From my Bible study, to TV shows I happened upon asking 'What would you do' in the face of various injustices, to some Curious George Soundtrack songs I got at the library, to quotes on blogs of people I really respect, to the new Matthew West CD - Something to Say... and on and on.
Please don't take anything I say on this blog over the next few weeks as me trying to dictate your experience with them to you. If you have received good service and respect from them, then I am happy for you. Unfortunately, we did not, and I know of too many others who suffered similar (or even worse) treatment. Many of them perhaps were not in a place to speak up for those behind them for whatever reason. Some are still in process and live in the fear of retaliation.
The blog quote that I mentioned has been working on me a while about this. It says:
'...once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.'
I don't know who said it, but as I said, it's been working on me a while about speaking up about our experience. If you are indeed someone else who had a bad experience with Special Delivery, or even someone who had a good one, AND ARE THROUGH WITH THE ENTIRE PROCESS, then I'd encourage you to speak up in whatever way you feel at peace with as well. There are at least a few avenues to pursue.
In attempting to find a reference for the above quote, I found a few more I'll also share.
Oppression can only survive through silence. - Carmen de Monteflores
The truth is the kindest thing we can give folks in the end. - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
One last remark. If you are still in process and do choose to respond via a comment, I highly recommend you do so anonymously for your own safety and peace of mind. If you need me for anything, we'll figure out some way to make contact privately.
Now is still not yet the time to go into all the details, but if you've read my blog for any length of time, you have to have some idea that our experiences were not pleasant working with them during our adoption. While there are perhaps some details you do know, I assure you there are many others you may not. Even in saying this much, I do not want to be vindictive, but I must be open and honest.
Everything from all different parts of my life has been reassuring me that it was absolutely necessary for me to send this letter. From my Bible study, to TV shows I happened upon asking 'What would you do' in the face of various injustices, to some Curious George Soundtrack songs I got at the library, to quotes on blogs of people I really respect, to the new Matthew West CD - Something to Say... and on and on.
Please don't take anything I say on this blog over the next few weeks as me trying to dictate your experience with them to you. If you have received good service and respect from them, then I am happy for you. Unfortunately, we did not, and I know of too many others who suffered similar (or even worse) treatment. Many of them perhaps were not in a place to speak up for those behind them for whatever reason. Some are still in process and live in the fear of retaliation.
The blog quote that I mentioned has been working on me a while about this. It says:
'...once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.'
I don't know who said it, but as I said, it's been working on me a while about speaking up about our experience. If you are indeed someone else who had a bad experience with Special Delivery, or even someone who had a good one, AND ARE THROUGH WITH THE ENTIRE PROCESS, then I'd encourage you to speak up in whatever way you feel at peace with as well. There are at least a few avenues to pursue.
In attempting to find a reference for the above quote, I found a few more I'll also share.
Oppression can only survive through silence. - Carmen de Monteflores
The truth is the kindest thing we can give folks in the end. - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
One last remark. If you are still in process and do choose to respond via a comment, I highly recommend you do so anonymously for your own safety and peace of mind. If you need me for anything, we'll figure out some way to make contact privately.
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