The Bible does NOT have ALL the answers...

Go ahead, call me a heretic and a heathen. I can take it, because I still think that statement is true. It just sort of hit me to think that through a bit yesterday at church. So many times I think we do non believers and even fellow Christians a disservice by pretending it does. Someone please give me a reference if I'm wrong, but I don't recall where it ever claims itself to be completely exhaustive on everything. Where did we ever start trying to promote that idea like that? John 21:25 explicitly says it doesn't even tell us all the things Jesus himself did. It doesn't give us details on the dinosaurs or many other mysteries of science. It doesn't specify the best type of government, and certainly doesn't endorse a specific party we should follow without question. (no lightning yet?). Anyway, before I digress way too far, what I'm trying to get at is the Bible alone is not all we need. I'm just saying if the Bible in and of itself had all the answers, anyone who read it cover to cover wouldn't need anything further. However, what the Bible really shows us is that Jesus is the answer. He is what we really need. The Holy Spirit, through the Bible points us to Him who provides us what we need when we depend on Him. And what He really wants (according to the Bible) is us to depend on Him.
I guess my point could come down to saying that just knowing in your head what you've read doesn't mean anything, unless you believe in your heart also.

I know I should probably save this one for a time when I could better articulate it, but if I did that, it would probably never get done, so instead you just have my apologies for the poor writing. -T

I am thankful for...

Since I know how things have been going lately, I probably won't get to this next week, so I'll list just a few things tonight.

1. my salvation
2. my family
3. clean water and plenty of it
4. being able to choose what my family wants to eat and not if they can eat
5. adoption, and the way it opened my eyes and heart
6. friends - 'virtual' and real
7. a good job at a good company
8. my education
9. so much more I don't have time to list...

Yes I am a Geek

In other totally and utterly unrelated news from the last post, I am deeply saddened tonight also by news that the Phoenix Lander on Mars has gone silent. I've followed this project for most of the mission on it's main site.
I'll miss checking in on it, but I'm sure their scientific analysis will continue for quite a while.

Sexual Orientation is not equal to race

Okay, here's one that's a little questionable to say out loud perhaps, but the more I see it, the more it bugs me. Governor Arnold is quoted in a CNN Story about protests over California's Proposition 8.

"It is unfortunate," Schwarzenegger said. "But it is not the end because I
think this will go back into the courts. ... It's the same as in the 1948
case when blacks and whites were not allowed to marry. This falls into the
same category."

He is not the only one to draw this comparison, but was the most recent I saw. There is no way this falls in the same category. Homosexuality is a choice. Race is not a choice. They are not the same. Maybe there are other arguments you could make, but this one is ridiculous...

Some more reflections about David

I had a couple more thoughts as we continued on in 1 Samuel last week in Sunday School. The first came about when our teacher was asking for words to describe David. One thing that popped in my head during the conversation was perhaps a different thought than I'd had before. I sometimes tend to think of David as a bit impulsive, however, in so many ways, he was actually very patient. He certainly made many mistakes, but so many times he also waited on God, in spite of his own desires. He waited to be king many years as best I can tell. He also wanted to build the temple, but wasn't allowed to by God. There are some others, but those in particular came to mind. Just a little different way of looking at someone I've heard about so much.

The second thought was related to David's anointing as king long before he would actually become king. I guess this is one instance where God actually did give a heads up on how the story would play out, which is what we (I) seem to want so much of the time. However, I don't know about you, but I'd have to say that in so many ways this is a great example that knowing too much of the plan too soon isn't always such a good thing. David seemed to have a lot of trouble with this info in hand, getting spears thrown at him, having to act like a madman, living in caves and all.

Ark or Lighthouse...

That was a title of a Discipleship Training lesson back when I was probably in junior high. I can't really remember much of the details of the lesson, but it was a question about what the church should be. I think it was a neat thing to question, and something I think about a lot these days even though I am not involved in any way in our church leadership. I think the essence of the debate, provided by great theologians of the past I'm sure, was whether the church should be an ark of sorts, keeping Christians safe from the floods of the world, (maybe (hopefully) inviting others inside to escape the floods), or more like a lighthouse, standing tall and shining a light out into the world for weary lost travelers to find their way. As with most issues worthy of any debate, a balance of both sides is probably best. 

However, whatever brought this to mind again quite a while ago when I jotted a thought down to explore this again, also let me think of a third option. Really, rather than ark or lighthouse, I'm not sure we shouldn't as churches be more like Coast Guard cutters out on the stormy seas, actively searching amongst the torrential rains and waves, for those souls struggling. I'm just wondering if both the ark and lighthouse approach might be a bit too passive for our Jesus who said to us 'Go'. 

Taking Sides...

Does anyone else think it's a little problematic that in almost any Bible story we Christians read, we almost always identify with the 'good guys'. I'm not saying this isn't my first reaction also, but it's just a little arrogant don't you think? 

I unfortunately feel like these days many churches are too much like the Pharisees whether we'd admit it or not. And the way I read it, they were not the good guys, even though they were the established 'religious' 'church' people of the day. 

I just think sometimes we should be careful to put ourselves on every side of each story we read. We'll learn more, and perhaps react differently. 

Blogging Struggles...

I haven't been too good at blogging much lately. I am trying to better, but as someone who works all day in front of a computer, is trying to lose a little weight (or at least not gain any), keep up with my family, etc... it's not something I get to as much as I'd like. All that to say, in order to do a little better, I may try writing a few posts all at once in the times I do get around to it. I'll stagger them with the post scheduling option, so they all won't necessarily come at once. Just wanted to let you know in the interest of full disclosure. 

Along those lines, if there's anything any of my like 4 regular readers would like to see, I'm open to suggestions. Maybe I'll throw up a poll, but feel free to comment if there's a topic, theme, idea, more pictures or anything else you'd like to see. 

A few thoughts from I Samuel

The first thought I wanted to throw out was from I Samuel 7:4. In this story, Samuel has just encouraged Israel to get rid of their foreign gods. What struck me when we read this a few weeks ago was their response. It just struck me that in the NIV at least, it says they 'put away' their idols. The HCSB says they removed them. They didn't destroy them, just put them away. It's almost like they stashed them in a closet for later. Unfortunately, I think too often we (I) do that with our (my) idols also. Because I've heard more of their story, I know that those same idols just keep creeping back into their lives. I hope I can learn to destroy mine and keep them out in the future. 

The second thought is something I think I touched on somewhat a while back in a different sort of post. However, in this election season, I thought it timely to contemplate more. If you think government, in particular the president, whoever he may be, is going to 'fix' anything, or turn this nation around, you may want to read what God has to say about a king for Israel in I Samuel 8:11-18. I guess my quick point is that you may not be getting what you think you will. God wants to be our one and only ruler. Only he can provide what we really need. 

Today on the radio...

there was a strange discussion going on. Apparently prior to my tuning in, there had been a breast cancer survivor on, and the station was promoting the local race for the cure. However, by the time I tuned in, someone had e-mailed the station railing it for supporting this. Apparently there may be some ties or money in the past has gone to Planned Parenthood, so the e-mailer questioned how could the radio hosts claim to be pro-life (Christian radio station), and still support these efforts. Now if that's true, it's unfortunate on some levels, but at the same time, I say what could possibly be more pro-life in the most general sense than fighting breast cancer which affects and kills many women... Why attack this effort like this? It just seemed strange to me.

The destructiveness of the clothes dryer...

Hey, I warned you things were going to be random around here. However, I am proposing it has done tons to erode our culture. Here's why - Before the clothes dryer, there was no hiding the existence of laundry. It was hung out on a line to dry where all the neighbors could see. Sure, you hung things a certain way to be as modest as possible, with undies usually between rows of shirts, pants, towels, etc. Still though, people could tell when you were cleaning up.
However, since the clothes dryer's rise to prominence, everyone now hides the laundry, pretending it doesn't exist. That is, pretending that there was never anything in need of cleaning up to begin with. As long as people can't see there was something once dirty in our lives (even if it's now clean), we pretend there really never was.

I'm just glad this laundry hiding phenomenon hasn't spread to any other areas of our lives yet...Can you imagine the destructiveness if we as Christians started hiding our laundry (our struggles and dirt), pretending everything was always great, when everyone knows it's really not? The world saw us in those dirty clothes, so we're not going to fool them.

Russia v. Georgia

This issue seems to have mostly disappeared from the headlines these days, but I did find it interesting for a few reasons. First, Russia didn't seem to give a flip what anyone else thought, which has to be a bit scary. They may not be what they once were, but they still I'm sure have more than enough to whip tiny Georgia and many many of its friends. (Perhaps even worse than Georgia in football last week. They had black eyes to match their uniforms before that was over.) I digress. It also helped remind me again that though Russia seems to be mentioned in the end times discussion in the Bible, the U.S. really doesn't seem to be.

However, the truly striking thing about it to me was how everything is presented to us. If I understood anything about what little I read on the issue, it seems to me like the two territories in question, really didn't want to be Georgian. They identify more with Russia. However, the U.S. and so many others say we must protect democracy in Georgia, but doing this, we're essentially forcing two groups who don't want to be a part of a country to remain there. How 'democratic' is that really? Anyway... Does that confuse anyone else?

The art of war...

If I have any time and energy to blog these days, you'll probably see some pretty random topics here. Usually when I'm busy, and I have been really busy at work and therefore tired at home lately, I still try to jot a thought down when I think of something I'd like to blog about sometime. Many never make it to an actual post. However, maybe some of them will if I have time. This was one I jotted down a while back and have tossed around a bit in my head, so I'll throw it on the blog now that I have a moment.

First, I'm not against war necessarily, nor am I for it. I do feel we should support and thank those who do sacrifice for us, regardless of if we agree with those in charge. I think if I had to break it down simply, what I have concern with the most is that I don't know if our current wars have a direction or objective. I really think if it is truly justified, those justifications should be able to be explained in just a few simple sentences that most anyone could understand. It should also have some very clearly outlined and achievable objectives and shouldn't stray far from those objectives without serious reconsideration.

What really prompted this little thought one day was an article I had read on a new unmanned aerial vehicle. Essentially, what it said was with this new technology, someone possibly thousands of miles away from any battlefront danger could deliver a fairly potent attack. Now, on the surface, most would laud this as extremely positive and amazing. In some ways I would. However, I also had the thought of how utterly dangerous, that we really can turn what could kill maybe hundreds or thousands of people into a quasi video game.
I'm not trying to say I would want our troops in danger, but if circumstances warrant 'war' or the potential taking of anyone else's life, shouldn't there be some risk to someone responsible for the taking of that life. Otherwise, can you really justify it? What makes one life more important than another? I'm not saying I have an answer. It did just make me think, and reminded of that book with the title The Art of War. I hope there is always enough risk involved to deter unnecessary violence.

Why?

My apologies for yet another slowdown in blogging. No real reasons, just laziness mostly, and an inability to put some of the many things that so often swirl in my brain in a form that makes any sense to anyone not party to that inner conversation.
So to hold you over....

What is it with the apparent germophobes who can't touch a door handle like a 'normal' person? These people apparently need a paper towel to touch the door handle leaving the restrooms. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is then these same people just throw the paper towels in the floor. If you're that worried about cleanliness, then why are you the primary offender in creating random litter? Just carry it with you to the nearest trash can... Is it that hard?

-later...

Now that I am blogging again, I wanted to throw out a few thoughts on something that's been said to me a couple of times now. "'Truth' used as a salve would work better than as a sword for some." I don't entirely disagree with this statement in principle and think I know what was meant, but I do have a few reservations about it. First and foremost, I think we all should proceed with caution anytime we 'use' truth. Real truth is what it is. It should be told, not used. I have tried to be careful there, but it can certainly be a slippery slope. That's easy to see especially in this election year with 'truths' flying around everywhere.
Second, if we acknowledge real truth as being simply what it is, without using it for our own purposes, then sometimes it is just by nature going to be a sword to some. Remember that the ultimate truth itself, the Bible, describes itself as a sword in Hebrews 4:12. Jesus, the truth that sets us free according to John 8:32, in Matthew 10:34 said Himself He brings a sword. Please don't hear me exalting anything I've said here now or before to a biblical level. I just thought it important to note some things about truth itself.

However, what I really think is cool, is that real truth and honesty, and certainly the Truth of Jesus and the Bible, are normally BOTH sword and salve. The same word that cuts us in two, is also healing to us when we let it be. Also, sometimes it's different for different people because of where they are at the time.

So, not that you asked, but probably the biggest reason I asked some of the questions I did is that nothing would make me happier than for things to improve. I have a pretty big motivation down the hall for that. The more honest we can all be with each other, the better chance that has of happening.

As always, I'm praying for you guys out there. Thanks for giving me stuff to think about, too.

Enough with the silence...

Howdy all. Hope you all haven't gone away after keeping it quiet here for a while. Some stuff just sort of happened that caused us to take a moment's pause. However, I like my blog. Not that it's a good one, but at least it gives me somewhere to put my thoughts, (good, bad, or ugly) when I want to flesh them out a bit. So, for now, hello again, nice to have you here.

I sort of said it in the last post, but I'll say it again, if anything ever bothers you about my blog, hey, let me know. It's all good. I'm not saying I'll change it, or agree, but it just seems to make sense to come to me first. I'm probably going to put up a poll on the moderated comments thing. I'd rather not have them that way, but the benefit as I noted before, is that if you ever want to tell me something without being anonymous, but don't really want it to show up for others to see, I can handle that in that way. If you've got opinions on it, let me know. I haven't rejected any comments that I wasn't asked to by the commenter, and really don't plan to.

So with that said, thanks for dropping by... I hope you find some fun here, but also some challenges from time to time as well...

Just so you're aware...

I do allow comments (even anonymous ones) on my blog. If you've got questions of your own for me, give me a shout. I'll do my best to get back with you. The comments are moderated right now, so it won't show up immediately, but I'll post it within reason if you want me too. If you don't, just say so and I won't.
Discussions are good, and often I like to read things from folks who don't think like me.

(I know this doesn't make much sense for most of you, but just give me a pass for this one if you will. It was a weird day.)

Thanks, -T

Questions

Even 6 months later, so many questions still remain for me about some of the deplorable things said and done to us by the people we worked with in this process.

Before I get to the ones I have, maybe I'll head off one of yours first. Why don't I just let it go? Primarily because I fear it still goes on to a great degree, and will continue should adoptions resume. Also, and perhaps just as importantly, due to the severity of it, and what the actions told me about those involved. You see, we didn't just have a long process, with lots of bumps. That is true, but many of the bumps could have been anticipated if the agency had just even communicated with each other. The worst things though, were the two specific threats, made not by the stateside agency personnel, but by the missionary directors of the hogar itself. The first threat was 16 months post-referral and in response to a very non-threatening, friendly and pleading e-mail sent by someone in our family other than us without our prior knowledge. The response to this plea for help was that if we were upset, then perhaps they'd need to send us to anger management before they could place our son with us. That's right, because someone else asked for help on our behalf, they suggested keeping our son from us. Keep in mind we had extremely limited direct contact with them, and had no problems whatsoever with our local and actual placing agency who did our homestudy and had at least weekly contact with us over most stretches.

The second and most severe blow in the whole process came at what should have been the happiest time short of actually being in Guatemala, receiving our pink appointment. Throughout our process, we were told on at least 4 specific and documented occasions certain fees wouldn't be owed due to the nature of some of our delays (including the attorney's extreme slowness). In the end these fees were charged anyway, and when we paid all fees but those, (again with our local agency's agreement), instead of our travel arrangement being made, the director of the home sent a letter which stated (after we already had an appointment date): "I advise you not to make travel arrangements", and again later "We need to get that taken care of before you travel.".

After 21 months of waiting post referral and our legally completed adoption, they essentially advised us they would hold our son from us until we paid them fees that their agency had advised wouldn't be owed.

Sure, judge me if you will as that's your right, but be careful if you didn't walk our road, and walk it for the length of time we did. You don't know the number of times we were lied to through the process itself, and the months we spent not waiting on the government, but just waiting on our own agency and attorney to take simple actions. (We spent more time out of PGN than in.) You don't know how unprepared they were to advise us about our case. However, if you're wondering before you judge, yes we did pay the money, because above all we wanted our son home with as little more pain as possible (for him and us), and that seemed to be the only way at the time. I still fully believe it contradicted everything we were told, and that it was an utterly awful way for people claiming to be who they are to handle the matter. It is not as if they did not have our entire life history and complete identity at their disposal to discuss the matter or pursue the money by any number of other means without placing our son directly in the middle of it. It did (and does) feel very much at times like a ransom or extortion.


However, I'm not trying to attack. I offer as evidence of that I've still chosen not to use names at this time. Like I said, I just still have so many questions, not just about how we were treated, but also about so many other things, and how others were treated.


Truth is, most families that have ever contacted us lived in extreme fear of these people and what they might do, just because they were contacting someone else for support, for answers, or just for a simple chat. Is that the way we should have to feel working with professing Christians?


Why is it that the agency and hogar directors were always so adamantly opposed to families having as much information as possible, and/or contacting Guatemala?


Why is it that with all the many requests made for support over the past 2-2.5 years, that the hogar directors have both a new house stateside and a new one built on campus in Guatemala?


What about the sports complex built there, and the new fences, porches, workshops, sewing rooms? The new chapel just started this year?

It's not that these aren't good things, but I just can't make it make sense when they repeatedly keep saying there's no more money left for formula for the children, especially if the ones who are matched with a family are being supported by the families themselves. Where are the priorities?


As to their own talk about shutting down if adoptions stop, is it therefore really a children's home/orphanage for any child in need, or just a nice place for only adoptable or possibly adoptable children? Won't there be that much more need when adoptions do stop?


Why do they stop giving formula at 6 months switching to milk, when that's against almost any pediatricians' recommendations, and quite possibly unsafe? Again, aren't most of the children being directly supported by a family? Again, were the buildings that much higher priority?


Why were parents recently told the chicken pox vaccine was given, but it seems it may not have been?


Why can no one still seem to give me a clear and thorough answer regarding who Belia is and what exactly her title is, or her specific role (and compensation) in the adoptions are?


Why would they ever use any attorney they themselves knew lied often?


Why is the agency for-profit?


Why is the children's home also still not listed as tax-exempt non-profit? They've been reportedly working on it since 2006. What is the hold-up? I don't think it can all be blamed on the IRS can it?


Why are the hogar directors also employees of the agency itself ? (With that being the case, why isn't the communication any better?)


With all family employed at the agency (except perhaps at best one), what oversight is there by an outside the family source?


Why are some people who visit (whether families or work teams) scolded for trying to keep other families informed or providing extra pics, or forbidden up front from doing so?


What about their Hague accredidation? Is there any status yet on that, or explanation on why they still aren't approved as of the last list released.


Why has it seemed lately the missionary directors spend at least as much or more time stateside than in Guatemala?


Why would they ever think it was okay to refer some children to two different families? Is there ever a reason that could be okay if one family wasn't definitely 100% out of the picture?


Why aren't the children more regularly seen and examined by a doctor? Why aren't better records kept for the visits that do take place? Why does there so often seem to be some confusion about the medications and doses the children should get?


This was a very very long post I know, but it was a long road, and as you can see, there were and are lots of questions.

Untitled

I can't think of a title tonight. I'm at one of those points where I have lots of stuff rolling around in my head again, but none of it seems ready just yet to bubble up into a blog posting. I hope some of it does soon, but I don't want to rush it. So for tonight, just sharing some realizations I've had.
I've been to two funerals in the past two weeks. The first about a week and a half ago, was for the son of a close friend and coworker. On the day of his scheduled full term delivery by c-section, the nurses prepping for the surgery could not locate a heartbeat. Everything through the whole pregnancy seemed fine, and less than a week before, everything still checked out great. It was an utterly tragic event, that I still struggle to even comprehend.
Today's funeral could almost be considered the polar opposite of circumstances. It was for my great uncle. He was 80 years old and had lived a full life, even though he is most certainly missed, especially by his wife of 63 years, his children and grandchildren, and so many friends. He was the embodiment of someone who 'never met a stranger'.

It was comforting to hear Christ lifted up at both of these funerals, despite their obvious differences. I hope I am loved like that at the end of my life.

So why do I tell you this? Well, one obvious reason is to ask for your prayers for these families. Really, though, I just think it's worth saying that you shouldn't waste a day. We aren't ever promised a tomorrow here on this earth, no matter our age or stage of life. Love those around you. Live with an eye toward eternity. Know that it is what you do for Christ that will last.

I'll try and do the same...

God Bless America?

If you read any of my prior posts a while back on politics, you might pick up on the fact that I'm a bit disillusioned with it all. Truth is, I'm just not sure how patriotic I am right now. I love my country, I really do. But before July 4th, I heard something on the radio and had the realization that though I do love my country, I'm not sure I'd voluntarily offer to go die for it. No, I'm not happy with myself about that, but I must admit I think it's true. If I was compelled or asked, I would honor whatever was required of me, but I wouldn't just offer myself without being asked. For my family, and for some friends, I would offer myself up without hesitation, but unfortunately not necessarily just for my country.
I think maybe some of it has to do with part of my heart being in Guatemala. Yes, my son is home, but Guatemala will always be a part of him, and also always a part of me. Even today I was thinking of it's beauty. I realize there are many problems in Guatemala, and much poverty, but that is also true of the good ol' USA.
And I think sometimes I have been very turned off by our American arrogance. Our way isn't always necessarily the only right way. Who made us the boss of the world? Even if it's by status of our wealth, is that okay? Especially with the poverty in the world (and here)?
There's a John Reuben song I've listened to lately called 'What About Them'. It talks about 'Puff the magic Jesus' floating around the universe and the United States is his favorite place. I can't help but agree that seems to be our overall attitude as Christians in America. It's like because we were founded by a group of Christians, we're God's favorites or something.
What I've been realizing is that God doesn't have favorites among nations (and if He does, it's certainly Israel and not us). God doesn't give a rip about the U.S.A. I believe he could care less. God doesn't love countries. He loves people. It's not important to God what the U.S.A. does. It's important to Him what you and I do.
One of the main reasons Jews of His day rejected Jesus, was because He wasn't a political leader like they hoped. Never did Jesus do his work through political means, or at a 'national' level. He worked through individuals like you and me. Even looking at the old testament, and the kings, I can't help but think about that God never really intended to set up the kingdom. According to 1 Samuel 8:6-9, it was because they rejected God as their king that he allowed them to have one. It came with a pretty stern warning in the next few verses.
So, what am I trying to say. Well, I'm not completely sure myself, but I think it's mainly to point out that it's you and I God is concerned about. It's all the people in all the countries and lands of this world. He doesn't love anyone here more than anyone in Guatemala, Haiti, Ethiopia, Iraq, Iran or anywhere else you can think of. So maybe that's why I struggle with placing America on such a pedestal. We have so much, and sometimes seem to care so little.

I hope everyone is having a good day. Much love to you (and my country).

Some thoughts on Genesis 37-50

I've been doing some reading and thinking about Joseph's story in Genesis lately. There is much wisdom in those passages. Even though our process ended a while ago now, I'll be honest with you in that I still struggle sometimes with what happened to us. We were hurt and hurt badly on multiple occasions by both the agency staff in Kansas, and by the missionaries who are the hogar directors in Guatemala. I'm working on forgiveness, and I am personally finding it to be a process more than a single event for me. So with that said, one of the first thoughts that got me circling around this story had to with Joseph's brothers. I have sometimes gotten the feeling that some people would have me celebrate and applaud those who hurt me, without even truly acknowledging the fact they did so. After all, you might say, they were used as a part of God's plan and J did arrive in God's perfect timing. Well, yes, and yes. However, so were Joseph's brothers. They threw him in a well, (only after deciding killing him immediately was a bad idea since it wouldn't gain them anything) and planned to leave him for dead. Then they sold him as a slave so they could pocket the money. Money really does interfere with good judgement sometimes, doesn't it? Anyway, what I was thinking about is even though God did certainly work their evil for good, never does God or anyone else call what they actually did 'good'. It was evil, it was wrong. And I can't find any commendations handed out to them. Forgiveness from Joseph, yes, but not celebration of their evil deeds. I think Judas Iscariot falls in this category also. Certainly his actions were used in the plan of God, but that didn't mean his actions were to be celebrated. Working out forgiveness doesn't mean the actions of those being forgiven were right, even if they were part of the plan. I know this seems obvious, given I know my sin is forgiven by God even though it still was sin. However, when some people want to lift up those who hurt me like infallible saints, I needed some reassurance.

Some other stuff that's come to mind:
I hope I haven't been like Reuben. You see, he planned to save Joseph later, when it was more convenient, hence the throw him in the well instead idea. Trouble is, by not standing up immediately for what was right, and just trying to work around it, Joseph was gone before Reuben could help him. I do fear this sometimes for some of my friends who were also hurt deeply by these people. Is there anything I could have done differently? My story does have a 'happy ending' by most measures. This isn't the case right now for every family. Though I know God has a great plan for their lives also.

Joseph's forgiveness of his brothers also took time. I mean, think about it. Joseph rose to be 2nd in command in Egypt. As best I can tell his family never really moved too far from where they were when the story began before eventually coming to Egypt. Isn't it likely Joseph had the resources to seek them out if he desired? Even upon them coming to him, in his first few encounters, 'he spoke harshly to them'. It was quite a while and only on their 2nd trip that he opened up his heart to them.

Prior to Joseph's forgiveness of them, the brothers faced the reality of and had to admit the evil of what they had done. See Genesis 42:21-22. Those who lied to me, and threatened to keep my son from me still seem to have no remorse, and continue to often treat other families harshly, boldly telling families not to ask more questions, scolding those who might provide info by other means, placing convenience above expediency, etc.

There's obviously much, much more to be gleaned, including using care in how we relate our stories (Gen 37:5-11) which I have tried to do, but those are a few thoughts I've tossed about. Maybe you will toss them about, too, and can share more or discuss these if you want.

Good night and my prayers are with you all.

Some blog business

Unfortunately time has kept me from getting to this for way too long. I've realized that I need to make sure if you found my blog and really wonder what makes me tick, what allows me to persevere through all I've been through, what makes me smile, and gives me reason to live each day, I should tell you. So many times through our 'process', people at work said I don't know how you make it. Well, I made it then, and make it now, because Christ lives in my heart. If you'd like him to live in your heart to, I have included a post below to help get you started. If you need more help, leave me a comment and I'll do my best to get in touch with you.

Now, to my blogger friends, many of you already have this info available on your blogs, but if you don't, please consider putting a post or link somewhere on your blog. Use something readily available, use a plan you've used before (the Roman Road, F.A.I.T.H., Spiritual Laws, etc.), tell your own story, whatever you're comfortable with. Be creative if you want, be clear.

Colossians 4:5 - Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. (NIV)
-Thanks!

How to become a Christian

Salvation Through Christ: A Matter of FAITH

What do you think it takes for someone to get to heaven? Is it luck? Good deeds? Nothing at all? Or is there something more? The Bible has the real answer to this question. It's a matter of FAITH.

F stands for FORGIVENESS. We cannot have eternal life without God's forgiveness. Ephesians 1:7a says, "In Him (Jesus Christ) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins."

A is for AVAILABLE. Forgiveness is available for all. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." But forgiveness is not automatic. "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven," says Matthew 7:21a.

I is for IMPOSSIBLE. It is impossible for God to allow sin into heaven because of who He is and because of who we are. God is loving and just, but His judgment is against sin. James 2:13a says, "Because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful." We are sinful people. Romans 3:23 tells us, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

T is for TURN. To turn means to repent. We can repent -- or turn -- from our sin and from ourselves. "But unless you repent, you too will all perish," Luke 13:3b says. We can also turn to Someone. Trust Christ alone. Romans 10:9 tells us how: "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

H is for HEAVEN. Heaven is eternal life. Here, that means life "to the full:" "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10b)." In the hereafter, it means the promise of heaven: "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am (John 14:3)."

So how can a person have God's forgiveness, heaven and eternal life, and Jesus as personal Savior and Lord? By trusting in Christ and asking Him for forgiveness. Take the step of faith described by another meaning of FAITH: Forsaking All I Trust Him.

You do this through a simple prayer reflecting your desire for Christ to change your life. You don't need fancy words--only an honest heart. You can pray something like this:

Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner and have displeased You in many ways. I believe You died for my sin, and only through faith in Your death and resurrection can I be forgiven. I want to turn from my sin and ask You to come into my life as my Savior and Lord. From this day on, I will follow You by living a life that pleases You. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for saving me. Amen.

Accepting Christ is just the beginning of a wonderful adventure with God! Get to know Him better in a number of ways:
Follow Christ's example in baptism.
Join a church where you can worship God and grow in your faith.
In your church, get involved in Sunday School and Bible study.
Begin a daily personal worship experience with God where you study the Bible and pray.

This information was obtained here.

What's this?

That's right, a 2 for 1 special tonight. One click, two posts. The other just didn't fit here, but was something I wanted to say. The rest also probably doesn't fit together either, but oh well, here goes.
First, keep praying for our sweet boy and for us as his parents, and A as his sister. Really, we are doing very well, but at the same time, we are still struggling. Some things are subtle. You might not see them, but we do. It seems like lately some of it I would describe as peeling back layers, a little at the time. Some of what we see now, if I think back, was there all along, but because there were more obvious things needing immediate attention, I couldn't really see it yet. As we take positive steps here, I see more needs there. It's also not a steady forward progression either. Just like the process before (and really life in general), we still have the ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like one step forward, two steps back. But, I love him more than I could describe. Eating dinner tonight, I was just struck again with how beautiful he really is, and what great children I have. A is such a great sister. She's loving having someone to teach things to, and he follows her lead so sweetly more often than not.

Second, please pray for so many families still struggling right now in the process. Their stories cover the entire range of possibilities. Several dear friends have known for months they wouldn't bring children home from Guatemala under the old processes. Others are in complete limbo as people needed to complete the process are missing. If they aren't found, no one really knows what might happen. Others are stuck here and there in various different parts of government bureaucracy. Perhaps worst of all, though, is that many of these have to live through this in fear. Not fear of the process itself, but fear of the ones who were and are supposed to help them along this path. Fear of the ones who they are paying so much money to be their guides. Fear of the care their children are getting because some decisions seem to be based more on money for those people or their other plans than what is best for the children. Fear of people who call themselves Christian, but very often do not show it in their actions. Fear of what those people might do if you simply ask a question and certainly what might happen if you stand up to them. It's a tough place to be. I was there, and to some degree still am at times.

That obviously isn't a popular thing to say. Guess what? I was never really that popular anyway. I'm used to it. I have done some 'soul-searching' for lack of a better term recently about if and what I should talk about lately regarding all that happened to us and things still happening. I'm still working it out, but after some personal fervent prayer during Sunday School prayer time yesterday, our lesson crossed over this verse. Acts 4:20.

Friends, my prayers are with you. You're not alone.

I love you E

To my dear wife: I love you sweetheart. You're the best. I love you bunches. You're so strong, so beautiful, and my everything. I'm glad we've walked and are walking this road together. You're a wonderful mom to our beautiful kiddos. Thanks for enduring all it took to get both of them here. Thanks for loving me so much. -T

A healing day...

Today was an amazing day. Lots of firsts for J, and lots of fun for all of us. E has pictures up on her blog. Hopefully I'll be writing more soon on some other topics, but thanks for dropping by.

Father's Day

Honestly, I'm still wrapping my head around all that was today. Yes, it was Father's Day, but as wonderful as that was, it was a bit on the backburner since today was also J's dedication day at church. Now, normally I don't make much of parent/baby dedication. Since I'm being honest, it's nice and all, but just something that I have never made much of a fuss over. Sort of one of those things everyone just does just because. And going into it this week, I feared it more than I was excited about it. J just has shown us things over the past few weeks and I wasn't sure how he'd handle it. I was scared we'd have 'the meltdown' in front of the world. And really I didn't want that for him, as I finally feel like this week was the first week I've felt good about our progress here in a while.

So, it went superb. I told my wife, that if I could have imagined it going as great as possible, I wouldn't have imagined him doing that well. Thinking about this day, I went through many variations of what I might like done or said: If I wanted someone to say his verse in Spanish, how much to mention about the adoption, what dates to list, etc. In the end, it was extremely simple, nothing different from any other family, the word adoption never mentioned, and it was perfect. And during the dedicatory prayer, so much emotion filled me that I'm still not sure what it was all about. I held it together, but inside I have to tell you I was swirling. Even after we took the kids out, had a few more pics, and then came back in, I couldn't even sing along with one of the songs for fear of the tears streaming down. Not sad tears, just that uncontrollable emotion that leaks out the eyes because it just can't stay in.

Then, the sermon, with no human coordination at all, because our interim pastor doesn't usually get then info on baby dedications until the day of, came from Galatians 4:1-7. It discussed what else, but our adoption as sons.

Like I said, I still can't wrap my head around all that happened or exactly what I was feeling today. But I'll try to spit some of it out if I can make it make sense.

The now prior Int'l Director (among many others) at our in town agency says that he feels EVERY Christian should at least consider if God may lead them to adoption. I cannot help but agree. It definitely isn't for everyone, but it really should be considered. So many times I've heard people say they just can't understand adoption. If you as a Christian can't 'understand' adoption, how can you really understand God's adoption of us. That is exactly what it is, and those are the Bible's words, not mine.

The other thing I think I'm learning is that just like I'm learning new things all the time about my salvation and life in Christ, and all that really means, I am even still learning more and more about this adoption. It's not something that has happened in the past and is now done, but something that's still developing and growing as well.

Love to you all. Thanks for your continued prayers. Know my prayers continue for you all as well. - T

God and Roaches

Ahh yes... the 4.5 year old mind at work. Tonight, A and I took quite the trip in her bedtime discussions. There was a bit of a minor thunderstorm going on, and therefore apparently a bit of anxiety. Therefore we discussed God's protection in some detail, before somehow out of her mind came, 'do some people pick up roaches?'. Anyway. I can't say my mind doesn't seem to jump around any less some of these days.

The Great Jaguar Rescue...

Vamos Diego Vamos! Tonight, we had family therapy. A and J were awesome and loved it (almost as much as I did). We saw Diego live, and it was a blast. We already had the music and have been listening to it pretty much daily for weeks, so even when J appeared to want be scared, he was still singing along. Tomorrow could be crazy keeping them up WAY past bedtimes, with cut short naps earlier today also, but totally worth it.

Beware: I'm talking politics again...

As I know I've blogged about at least once before, from time to time I at least try to read up a bit on what's going on in politics. Trouble is, EVERY time I do, I am reminded how much I despise what is now American politics. Surely the circus we have today is not what the founding fathers really envisioned. They were very smart from everything I can tell. They were even smart enough not to create a democracy in America. Yes, I said America is not a real democracy. Look it up. It is in fact a democratic republic. There is a big difference. If you don't know the difference, well, I guess you have homework. That's what you get for visiting a blog called 'I was thinking...'. Sometimes you'll have to think for yourself a bit. Anyway, I digress.
I was reading this article talking yet again about the race that just won't end. Then near the end, on page 3, I saw something that once again made my skin crawl. According to this article, if you combine what all the candidates (past and present) have spent so far in this year's race, it totals out at 1 Billion dollars. That's right, Billion with a B. That's this: $1,000,000,000. Now I know I'm not to good with really any number ending with -illion as far as putting in context. The article did that for me, though. Basically, 1 billion dollars would almost fund the Red Cross' relief operations WORLDWIDE this year.
Instead, we get constant dueling soundbites, some signs and bumper stickers, commercials tearing opponents down, and late night comic fodder. What has gone so wrong?

What you see / What I see

You see an extremely happy child who is friendly to everyone he meets.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.


You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.


You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?


You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.


Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.

A moment from when the parents were down last weekend.

silent long enough?

Well, I've been pretty quiet of late in blogland. I haven't forgotten about all of you out there. I know times are tough, and I pray for you and your struggles daily.

I've been torn, though, in my thoughts about writing. I guess the truth is that I know my thoughts may not be the popular ones, and so I've just sort of kept quiet.

I think I've decided to throw a few things out there now though. I still read most of the blogs I read before, and I still check the Guatemala adoption news websites pretty frequently, too.



Right now, there's lots going on, and lots of rumors, attacks, etc. As a preamble to some of what I may say, please remember before you crucify me here or elsewhere, or delete me forever from your list of blogs visited, that I was there, and did suffer through a hell of my own with our adoption. Sure, the details were different, but I am not some mere bystander who has no business speaking about any of this at all because I have no idea. I will go so far as to say that for most of the people I know about using the same hogar we did, even if your cases went (God forbid) another year from today, their overall timelines still wouldn't exceed ours. Now that I've made my preliminary defenses, here's what I think about some of the stuff I've seen lately.



Most people still want adoption to be beautiful and pretty for lack of better words. The truth is, that for there to even be the possibility of an adoption, there is serious pain and loss somewhere, and likely in lots of places. If you really view it from all the sides, there are sides that are and always will be tough to look at. We as Christians always love to parallel adoption here with our adopted status as children of God. This presence of pain and loss still exists in that analogy. Remember, for our adoption to happen there, Christ died on a cruel, ugly, painful cross. His Father sent Him to die. The picture isn't pretty from all sides.





Then there's so much of the attitude of I want things to be better, but I don't want it to affect me to get there. Everyone seems willing to admit corruption and problems exist, but nobody thinks it could possibly exist in theirs. Well, it's there somewhere, so I hate to say it does have to be in someone's. Having a Christian agency/hogar doesn't necessarily mean anything either if you were wondering. I can prove mine to be liars, as can many of you. If they and/or the attorneys (whom they love to blame stuff on) will lie about something as mundane as an update, who are you to say they won't lie about the larger stuff? To the agencies, it's more about getting it done so they can get paid. To directly quote one of my agencies employees from a public site 'WE WORKED WITH [ATTORNEY X] IN THE PAST AND HE IS GOOD, BUT EXTREMELY SLOW AND WOULD OFTEN LIE, BUT HIS CASES DID GET DONE.' I ask again why a Christian agency would still call a known liar good?


People have bashed everyone over the plans of birthmother interviews, calling them everything from immoral to illegal. First, let me say I am not saying I agree with all the rumored methods of these interviews, but I do support the right of the PGN to do them. I don't think it violated any of the grandfathering agreements. Again, I don't say this as an outsider, but as someone who long before this grandfathering mess had to deal with PGN requiring an extra interview. Did I like it? NO! Did I think it inappropriate in theory? No, I think and thought it is reasonable to take the steps to make sure if that's what it really took. (Remember, adoption isn't always pretty. It shouldn't be too easy, just like it shouldn't be impossible.)


Then there's a crowd up in arms against the State Dept for 'abandoning' them in this mess. The main problem I have with this, is that the loudest voices I see in this crowd are the ones who mere months ago totally dismissed the quite clear and quite stern warnings the State Dept made about starting new adoptions. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but sometimes when you blatantly and purposefully ignore all the warning signs, you have to accept the consequences of those choices, and don't really get to then bash the people who warned you for not running immediately to your aid in exactly the way you see fit. Are things really that different from exactly what they warned was probably going to happen? What more exactly were they supposed to do to 'protect' you?

Anyway, I'll shutup now. I really do think PGN should get it together. If they have indeed already approved some cases, get those done and move on to approving others. If they need to do more, then don't call them approved, just do what is needed already, whatever that is.

Sorry if I hurt anyone. It wasn't my intent.

A special prayer request

Thursday night, my aunt lost her 7 year off and on battle with cancer. The funeral is today. Please pray for the family. She leaves behind 3 children: 15 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, 8 yr old son. They are great kids who have experienced so much. She was a great lady who thought of others even in the midst of her struggles.

One of those days...

or evenings at least. Tonight was one of those nights when I looked into the eyes of my boy, and my heart hurt for him. For whatever reason, at supper tonight at church, he just couldn't seem to handle it. He kicked, screamed (a lot), and threw things. Parts of it are 'normal' toddler issues I'm sure, but my gut also said my boy is grieving a bit. Weird thing is, with him there throwing a fit in my arms, I am fairly certain many folks were looking, but even as I thought about it, I didn't care. I didn't really even look to find out. I just kept looking at my boy and quietly telling him I loved him. Was I frustrated? Absolutely! but somehow, I didn't matter so much. I knew I just needed to keep quiet and calm for him. It's hard to describe as it was sort of surreal. He's such an awesome kid. I'm happy to say that even though he had several more bouts of intense crying, once we made it home, he and I had a lot of fun. I needed some stuff at wal-mart, but that was best left for another time. We just came home and continued to play and talk and laugh. He so loves to laugh.

My apologies for a bit of a ramble, especially after a bit of a hiatus. It's just that lately nothing seems to stop. There's more to do than can be done at times, and at others I'm still too tired to do what can, so blogging is left a little behind.

To my friends there in blogland, just know that your struggles, whatever they may be and however visible they may be or not be, are real, but there are people out there who love you, and pray for you daily.

In fact, there's also a Heavenly Father holding you in his arms whispering, shhh. I love you. shhh. I love you forever....

Time flies when your mind's wheels are spinning. Sorry to not have posted much lately. We've been pretty busy, and I think I've just had too many different things on my mind to sit down to one topic. Not all bad, not all good, really just a thousand different thoughts about life both locally and globally. I'm thinking a lot about you guys still 'stuck' out there. From someone who knows some of that pain in our past, I am deeply sorrowful with you. Some of you just have hit a snag in the process, and some have just been treated in a way you could have never imagined, and some have experienced both. I am praying for you. God is teaching you lessons (like them or not), and He does have a plan. Know you will not be the same person you were before these experiences, and that is part of it. I am praying for all of you. Even my friends who are at home. I'm finding out the lessons keep coming, even if they are different. Sorry for a strange post. Like I said, my head is spinning in circles almost faster than I can keep up of late. I mainly wanted you all to know you're still being thought of often. Hopefully I'll make my way back here again soon. The kids (and us the parents) are doing well. Thanks for dropping by. -T

Politics...

I've never been big on politics. I do try to vote at each opportunity, and try to do so in a reasonably informed manner. I do still think that is important. However, the more I've tried to learn this year about the presidential race in particular, the more I remember why I've never been too interested in it. Honestly, part of me just sees it all as such a waste. Lots of what I've read makes me think we're looking to choose a high school who's who rather than choose a national leader. Everything always seems to come down to the different parties focusing on who can win (i.e. who is more popular) than who will do the best job. Doing a good job seems to have so little to do with it in picking someone. It's just who is more popular. The money it takes and the money raised and spent just really makes me sick. I think one month one of the big 3 raised over 30 million just in one month. All this while there really are so many in our country have so little. And not to mention people literally starving to death every minute across the world. What exactly is accomplished by all that money spent on stupid advertising that I personally could care less about anyway. How much lasting good could be done with all that money?

I know personally, and I bet for many of us, it seems like the main inspiration for voting is to choose the lesser of two evils when it comes down to it. We dislike one candidate more than we do the other so we vote against that one, rather than for anyone. Can I (anyone) really get excited about that? Is that what is supposed to make this such a great country? When did we learn to just settle for such mediocrity? How can we learn to demand more?

The world's slowest librarian... and other things...

I guess you could say it was one of those days in some ways... so many good things, and then so many just wierd things, too. J- did great at daycare. Work was fine for mommy and daddy. We even got J-'s Social Security card today, sort of. As if to just assure us of our government's inefficiencies even as another branch impressed me, the post office ripped his card almost in half. Oh well. We know we'll get a new one when we change his name, so no biggie.
Then tonight, since I didn't want to leave J- in a church class after his first full daycare day, I left early and decided to make a run to the library with him to pick up a book I had on hold. Now, our family loves our library, and the kids and I visit probably at least 4-5 times a month. However, tonight's quick visit just to get the one book and a couple Backyardigans for the kids to watch tomorrow if necessary turned into an over 30 minute ordeal. I had a fine on some movies and didn't have much cash, so rather than wind up with none for the rest of the week, I was going to just use my debit card, which they take. She messed up the total, and then no one there seemed to know how to do a void. They had to apparently search the place for the manual and took forever. (I just used my cash after all). Then checking out my stuff (while someone else did the void), she left stuff off and had to check me out three times to get the total 4 items I had checked out. Again, oh well... I do have to credit my wife for noting the irony in the book I was checking out, though. Don't Waste Your Life. (I wonder if there's anything there about choosing the wrong librarian and losing 30 minutes.)

Since I mentioned littering not too long ago...

What is it about smokers? Is it not enough for them to make the air around them unbreathable? Do they have to trash up the ground around them, too? I daresay that I rarely get in the car to go somewhere of any distance at all that I don't see some smoker tossing a cigarette out the window. Look out at the next stoplight you come to, and see if lots of the litter there isn't cigarettes. They're in parking lots, too. It's just gross...

A risky post...

because I know there are lots of 'Hague-haters' in the adoption world right now. I'm probably not a lover of it myself. I certainly think Guatemala's implementation of it (more appropriately the lack thereof), is tragic and sad. However, from much of what I've learned and researched, the U.S. implementation of the Hague really seems in intent to have a lot of elements to actually protect children, birth parents, and especially prospective adoptive parents, who previously really had no protections. And please realize that though the two do affect each other, they are absolutely separate in application. Is it perfect? No, I'm sure it's not, but neither am I. If you haven't noticed, I do have a few sidebar links that are actually pretty informative regarding this, including one directed specifically to PAP's.

What I really wanted to post about tonight though, isn't exactly that. My thoughts tonight are more to if anyone might be considering another adoption in the near future. I think they can probably apply regardless of how you feel about the Hague itself. If you do think of adopting again, I might encourage you to take a look at the list of currently approved providers as a start. I only know one of them firsthand, and they aren't perfect either, but I do respect them greatly. I say this about using the current list for these reasons. (A bit like my analogies of old). Let's consider their accreditation in light of your considered adoption. Lots of agencies not on the list right now might say, well, it was so expensive. Heads up, so is your adoption, and if they aren't willing to shell out the resources when it's in their own best interests, are they for you to help your adoption happen? How about there was just so much paperwork and info required. Again, if they can't handle it timely for themselves, how thoroughly and accurately are they going to review your box of paperwork you have to submit for your adoption? We just didn't have the staff. Well, will they have time for your questions, or will that have to wait, too? We didn't even get the requirements until a few months ago. Shouldn't they be out there seeking out what's up constantly, keeping up with any changes, and getting that info in the right hands? Or do you want to get stuck somewhere in the process because they didn't keep up and were always waiting on someone else to advise them of the changes? Maybe they have too many offices to get finished. Is that what you want, a risk of misinformation between so many folks?

I guess all I am saying is that the ones that are on the list by now, at least in theory, might be the ones who really knew their stuff, worked quickly, and did whatever it took to make sure they were where they needed to be when they needed to be there. Admittedly, it was their interests they were looking out for and not yours, but perhaps what I'm saying is they at least seem to have the capability to transfer that determination to your case.

I'm in no way saying there aren't other good ones. I must say my experience jaded me to the point I question if there might be ANY great ones. It's really just something I was thinking...

Feel free to grill me if you disagree. I like trying to see different sides of an issue, whether I always agree or not.

That's one expensive litter campaign...

I'm not sure how you feel about illegal immigration, or the big fence, but I have to say that the last line of this article sort of cracked me up.
Essentially, they're considering waving all the environmental and other similar laws to build the border fence, and saying the fence will actually be good for the environment because illegals are littering the landscape as they sneak in.

I guess it's a good thing the Indians didn't think of a fence like that before our ancestors got here isn't it.

a good day...

First things first. Since I posted a bit about my dread last night of the experience, I have to give kudos to my local Social Security office for today. I got there early, got a good number in line, and was very pleasantly surprised to be called probably within 10 minutes of them opening up. I did have a little scare as the first person who had called my number informed me she couldn't do a card for a foreign born citizen, but she in fact handled it very nicely and got me to the person who could immediately. He was very nice, got all my info, and had me on my way in a very reasonable amount of time. As I said, it was really a good experience overall. The strangest part of it all for me was how much it felt like being back in the embassy in Guatemala with the room of just chairs and the 'windows' along one side where they do the work. It even had the presidential and vice-pres portraits hanging in there, though not as big as the ones in the embassy.

Then, tonight was a special moment for me. I rocked my little boy to sleep. When we started bedtime, he really wanted mommy, but big sis was needing some mommy time too and we try to keep that pretty balanced. Often we can do it all together, but tonight wasn't one of those nights he had the patience for reading sis's longer books. So after he got okay with only having daddy, we read and snuggled and I put him in bed as usual, only he really didn't want to get in the bed. (Insert a mini-fit here). However, all it took was to pick him up. He held me so tight with his head on my shoulder as I held him just as tight, and that is what he wanted tonight to relax. After a bit of standing rocking, I sat down with him to rock, and within a few minutes, he wanted to be held more like a baby and that is how he went to sleep tonight... I must say I had a big smile as I laid him down. He usually never wants to even be held like a baby like that (esp. by me), and to fall asleep in my arms like that, was cool.

If I don't post again for a while...

come looking for me... I'm stuck in line at the Soc. Sec. office. Just kidding...(hopefully). Anyway, sorry to have been absent for a while. It was a busy week and we had company. Tomorrow morning I'm going to try and get little man's stuff done though, so we can file our taxes. Should be fun, right??? -Got to get to bed. -T

I have the greatest kids...

Daddy day today went great. My kids are awesome. It was fun to spend the day with them 'just us'. Mommy seems to have survived the day as well.

There was very little conflict amongst the siblings (thank goodness they were well rested today), and our boy let mommy go without too much fuss. Even better, he was thrilled to see her again when she returned home, and didn't hold it against her. We really had so much fun. It was a beautiful day, so we played outside a good bit, and they even let me squeeze in 1 load of laundry. I also braved a quick trip to the grocery store for some milk and bread type items. The original destination had been the library, but it was closed for Good Friday so we took care of a necessary errand. (I also picked up ice cream at the store to reward mommy at the end of the day.)

Here are a few pics of the day. Probably my greatest feat was actually fixing A's hair and putting a bow in it. It's what she wanted, so I gave it a try. It doesn't look great in the pics, but compared to how she usually winds up when I fix it and considering she's swinging in most of the pics, I was happy.

Prayer request?

I know all you supermoms out there will laugh, but tomorrow is my first 'daddy day' with both kids, as I have the day off, but mommy has to go back to work. I'll be fine, but it will be the boy's first day without mommy around, so that may be trickier than normal. Hopefully they'll be patient with me as I seek to maintain patience with them. The mommy report from today is that patience wasn't running terribly high in the kiddos. Hopefully, I'll be able to tire them out before they tire me out. In order to do that though, I must go to bed. Have a great night and thanks for your prayers and sweet words about my wife's grandmother on her blog. She really was a wonderful lady. If my children and grandchildren have half the love and respect for me that her family (me included) had for her, I will have done something right.
Goodnight.

More Randomness...

If you love Christian Rock, you owe some thanks to Larry Norman, whether you know it or not. He passed away several weeks ago. I heard a tribute on the radio then. They played quite a few songs. This song is from like 1972 or so I think, but I thought it was interesting how similar so much of it seems to today's news.

The Great American Novel

Larry Norman

i was born and raised an orphanin a land that once was free

in a land that poured its love out on the moon

and i grew up in the shadows

of your silos filled with grain

but you never helped to fill my empty spoon

and when i was ten you murdered law

with courtroom politics

and you learned to make a lie sound just like truth

but i know you better now

and i don't fall for all your tricks

and you've lost the one advantage of my youth

you kill a black man at midnight

just for talking to your daughter

then you make his wife your mistress

and you leave her without water

and the sheet you wear upon your face

is the sheet your children sleep on

at every meal you say a prayer

you don't believe but still you keep on

and your money says in God we trust

but it's against the law to pray in school

you say we beat the russians to the moon

and i say you starved your children to do it

you are far across the ocean

but the war is not your own

and while you're winning theirs

you're gonna lose the one at home

do you really think the only way

to bring about the peace

is to sacrifice your children

and kill all your enemies

the politicians all make speeches

while the news men all take note

and they exagerate the issues

as they shove them down our throats

is it really up to them

whether this country sinks or floats

well i wonder who would lead us

if none of us would vote

well my phone is tapped and my lips are chapped

from whispering through the fence

you know every move i make

or is that just coincidence

well you try to make my way of life

a little less like jail

if i promise to make tapes and slides

and send them through the mail

and your money says in God we trust

but it's against the law to pray in school

you say we beat the russians to the moon

and i say you starved your children to do it

you say all men are equal all men are brothers

then why are the rich more equal than others

don't ask me for the answer i've only got one

that a man leaves his darkness when he follows the Son

Some random thoughts...

Time hasn't been exactly readily available for blogging, and for a few of the things I want to blog on, the timing just isn't right.

Since that's the case, I'll point you to some interesting things I've read lately. I like to read this blog: http://blog.al.com/forthelove/. Sometimes it's fairly random, but she also has some real gems from time to time. One of them lately was this one: A hitchhiker's miracle. I recommend following her link to the whole essay if it still works. Learning to accept (and even ask for) kindness from others is something I'll admit I struggle with.

I'll recommend her columns, too. If you can find her thoughts on Lent, they were good. Also, there was one about hiding from the hard times in life.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by. Sorry to send you elsewhere. I'll make time soon. In the meantime, if you enjoy the above blogger or have any thoughts about these articles, I'd be interested to hear what you thought.

Toodles...

On a lighter note...

Here's some pics from the past weekend visiting Granny and Grandpa.

Our boy enjoyed having some room to run. We have a nice yard here, but not that big and there's no fence there.

Mommy and I were trying to keep up.

Our girl always has to visit 'the jungle' with Grandpa.
Art projects with Granny.

Taking care of the baby doll.

If you're still reading...

Thanks. I appreciate it. I really do. It's you all that helped me persevere through this. I knew posting what I felt like I had to last time would turn some away. I did randomly notice tonight that one link to my page from another one got removed. No hard feelings. I understand, though it did strike me more than I thought it might. However, I do believe at least one change related to my letter has already been made, so that's a start.

As to the family here, it's still a wild ride. Sickness seems to be rampant everywhere near us these days, and it seems we've fallen prey to some degree. See my wife's blog for details there. Otherwise though, we're still getting adjusted, but doing pretty well.

I'm praying for each of you still waiting on your children. I hope they are home soon. The pictures are cute on all your blogs. I do read them often to check on you all. Those who have yours home, I am still praying for adjustments for you, and love seeing your pics, too. I also pray all the parasites go away!!! It seems like that has plagued many if not most of the new arrivals including ours lately.

Really, if there is anything I can do ever for any of you, just let me know. So many have supported me, I want to make sure I give back whenever I can. -T

It is done...

There are several reasons for my not posting lately. If you read my wife's blog, you know one was me getting sick. Thankfully I have recovered. The other has had to do with having another task I needed to complete. Before I felt I could begin to say some of the things I still need to say here, I needed to have the letter already written to go directly to the people involved. As the title indicates, I sealed that letter a few moments ago to be dropped in the mail tomorrow.

Now is still not yet the time to go into all the details, but if you've read my blog for any length of time, you have to have some idea that our experiences were not pleasant working with them during our adoption. While there are perhaps some details you do know, I assure you there are many others you may not. Even in saying this much, I do not want to be vindictive, but I must be open and honest.

Everything from all different parts of my life has been reassuring me that it was absolutely necessary for me to send this letter. From my Bible study, to TV shows I happened upon asking 'What would you do' in the face of various injustices, to some Curious George Soundtrack songs I got at the library, to quotes on blogs of people I really respect, to the new Matthew West CD - Something to Say... and on and on.

Please don't take anything I say on this blog over the next few weeks as me trying to dictate your experience with them to you. If you have received good service and respect from them, then I am happy for you. Unfortunately, we did not, and I know of too many others who suffered similar (or even worse) treatment. Many of them perhaps were not in a place to speak up for those behind them for whatever reason. Some are still in process and live in the fear of retaliation.

The blog quote that I mentioned has been working on me a while about this. It says:
'...once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.'

I don't know who said it, but as I said, it's been working on me a while about speaking up about our experience. If you are indeed someone else who had a bad experience with Special Delivery, or even someone who had a good one, AND ARE THROUGH WITH THE ENTIRE PROCESS, then I'd encourage you to speak up in whatever way you feel at peace with as well. There are at least a few avenues to pursue.

In attempting to find a reference for the above quote, I found a few more I'll also share.

Oppression can only survive through silence. - Carmen de Monteflores

The truth is the kindest thing we can give folks in the end. - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

One last remark. If you are still in process and do choose to respond via a comment, I highly recommend you do so anonymously for your own safety and peace of mind. If you need me for anything, we'll figure out some way to make contact privately.

Still Making it...

As you can see if you've been reading my wife's blog over the past few days, we're still doing well. We're staying pretty tired, but enjoying being a family. They are both some funny kids. I love them so much.
I really do hope to blog more soon. I've been trying to keep a running list of topics I'd like to cover.

One of the thoughts that I've been thinking about a lot is how we handle adversity and suffering. One day, waiting on some programs to run at work, I found the following. It was written by Phyllis Groff, a Mennonite missionary in Guatemala. She's a very special person, though I've never met her. She actually is a big part of our adoption story, as it was through her and their work that our son came to EN. (for a little more info, click here).

This was on her blog last year speaking about Holy Week in Guatemala:

"I pondered the activities of the Holy Week. In the U.S. we put our major emphasis on the joy of the resurrection and sing happy songs on Easter Sunday morning. Here more emphasis is placed on the suffering of Jesus and much thought is given to how we can identify with his suffering. Could it be that the people of Guatemala live with suffering and so are drawn to identify with the suffering of Jesus? While we in the States like to pretend that suffering doesn’t exist or that it is far from us. We like the victory and joy of the resurrection. We quickly pass over the sad part that includes pain and suffering and go on to the happy ending. I believe that Jesus wants us to ponder both his suffering and the victory of the resurrection story. "

She's right, all to often we focus only on the happy ending of everything, never taking in the lessons in the suffering itself. We are at that happy ending now, but I'm also hoping that the many lessons I learned through our process benefit me from here on out, and maybe also encourage some of you as well.

I'm still praying for all of you, my dear friends. Thanks for what each of you have meant to us through this.

It's hard to believe...

that we've been home over a week now. Things are going very well. That's not to say it's easy, but it is really is so good to be a family of four now here all together. He is such an amazing and special child. He's so fun to just be around. He's so happy so much of the time, and really over the past couple of days has started singing a good bit. It's unintelligible singing, but makes me smile. My daughter is doing so well with him, also. She's a great big sister and loves him so much. She's been extremely good and probably more patient at times than was her previous norm. They're both so beautiful, that I figure later I'm really going to be in trouble. It's certainly hard to say no already to their infectious smiles and laughs. I love my family. My wife has been super taking care of everyone through this.

Truly, I still cannot thank all of you enough for all your thoughts and prayers. They have really meant so much to us.

Along those lines, while I have time, I wanted to share a few specific blessings from the trip that I know were answers to special prayers.

1. All flights were on time and even early.
2. All our luggage made it.
3. The kids did superb on all the flights.
4. Our hearts remained calm through it.
5. J. was not waiting for us in the hotel when we got there. We had been worried a little about that, since we wanted a chance to at least put our stuff up first before seeing him. Also, he wasn't too long in coming after we had said chance to put up our stuff so we didn't have to worry about him not getting there.
6. He did extremely well meeting us again. Only a few tears when the caregiver left, that quickly turned to laughter with A. once in the room.
7. Everybody slept well in Guat.
8. The embassy appointment went super smooth (even though it was slow). J was an angel the whole wait though. Our contact was on time, and super nice as we already knew from our visit trip.
9. Both our long flights weren't completely full, so we had a little room to move.

There are so many other things, but I want to share just one more special one in particular. Even as I watched it unfold, I knew one of you must be praying for us and thanked God then and there on the spot for beautiful Christian friends and for His providence.

On the trip home, we purposely planned a little longer layover (2.5 hours) just in case the plane was a little behind and/or we had any snags in immigration. As I noted already, we were on time and thankfully immigration was no extra big deal either (though I would still like to know exactly what all was in those famed envelopes we couldn't open). Anyway, this did leave us with a little 'time to kill' in the Houston airport. Our last leg was on one of the regional jets so it was in one of the smaller more crowded wait areas where all those type planes are. About 30-45 minutes or so before time to board, J (and very soon A also) had waited and played all they could stand. The meltdowns were beginning.
And then she appeared. She being what I think might have been an angel in human form. In this day and age of airport security extremes and such caution about liquids in carry-ons, a wonderful middle-aged lady came over to us and pulled out a bottle of bubbles for our children to play with. It was amazing. They were happy again as she blew them and they chased them. Then she'd let them blow some, too. It was special to watch. As I said, I just knew one or many of you must really be praying us home. It really got us through.
As far as I know, she wasn't traveling with any children or anything. She just said she was a grandmother, and had bubbles in her bag. Wow.

So thank you to whoever it was praying for us last Thursday around 11:30 or noon central time. Your prayers and ours were answered. We serve a wondrous and incredible God.

Thanks for letting me share. Love, -T

Yes, we are home...

Thank you all for your prayers. Many were answered today as we traveled home. It went well, but we are zapped. I'm headed off to bed as soon as I click 'publish' here, and the rest of the family is already in bed. We'll post much more I'm sure over the next few days, but if anyone out there was still in suspense, I just wanted to let you know we are home and so happy.

Our little man is in bed in our house tonight. Here's a pic of after he gave it up.

Wow....

I'm too tired to even attempt to try a long post and/or putting into words just what an experience this has been. It's truly amazing. It's really been indescribable in so many ways. I cannot thank each and every person who sees this enough for all your prayers for my family. They have been answered and multiplied. Both my children have been so wonderful so far in everything. They are going to make quite the pair, and always keep us busy. The embassy appointment went great today.
I'm going to get some rest now, but will post more in the coming days. We'll keep trying to put some pics up each day on Erin's blog, and I'll try to get some on here too as we have time, even if that means when we get home.

Thanks again to all of you.

Last post pre-flight

After this, the computer goes in the bag for the trip. It's been a long road, but I'm told we're almost there. It's still so surreal. I hope you all are doing well. I'll be happy to comply with the cartwheel request once we get home. It's actually been too rainy here over the past several days to do it lately. Anyway, thank you all for the prayers. Keep them going for us as we travel and adjust. Wishing the best for all of you!!!

Just to prepare, Addie and I got in some flight practice Saturday at the Science center.

She and Mom had some fun together, too.

still around...

I haven't disappeared, just in case you were wondering. We've just been a little busy. Of course, work is crazier for me than it's been in months now that I know I'm getting ready to be out for a while. And just so much to do around here, too. I've been reading and keeping up with you all when I can, but just haven't had the time to write. I'll write more when I can. Thanks for all your prayers. I think I'm finally starting to recover a little from some of the 'stuff' that happened over the past week, and having your prayers lifted up for us is definitely a big part of that.

Best wishes to you all. I'm still praying for you as well. -Tim