What's this?

That's right, a 2 for 1 special tonight. One click, two posts. The other just didn't fit here, but was something I wanted to say. The rest also probably doesn't fit together either, but oh well, here goes.
First, keep praying for our sweet boy and for us as his parents, and A as his sister. Really, we are doing very well, but at the same time, we are still struggling. Some things are subtle. You might not see them, but we do. It seems like lately some of it I would describe as peeling back layers, a little at the time. Some of what we see now, if I think back, was there all along, but because there were more obvious things needing immediate attention, I couldn't really see it yet. As we take positive steps here, I see more needs there. It's also not a steady forward progression either. Just like the process before (and really life in general), we still have the ups and downs. Sometimes it seems like one step forward, two steps back. But, I love him more than I could describe. Eating dinner tonight, I was just struck again with how beautiful he really is, and what great children I have. A is such a great sister. She's loving having someone to teach things to, and he follows her lead so sweetly more often than not.

Second, please pray for so many families still struggling right now in the process. Their stories cover the entire range of possibilities. Several dear friends have known for months they wouldn't bring children home from Guatemala under the old processes. Others are in complete limbo as people needed to complete the process are missing. If they aren't found, no one really knows what might happen. Others are stuck here and there in various different parts of government bureaucracy. Perhaps worst of all, though, is that many of these have to live through this in fear. Not fear of the process itself, but fear of the ones who were and are supposed to help them along this path. Fear of the ones who they are paying so much money to be their guides. Fear of the care their children are getting because some decisions seem to be based more on money for those people or their other plans than what is best for the children. Fear of people who call themselves Christian, but very often do not show it in their actions. Fear of what those people might do if you simply ask a question and certainly what might happen if you stand up to them. It's a tough place to be. I was there, and to some degree still am at times.

That obviously isn't a popular thing to say. Guess what? I was never really that popular anyway. I'm used to it. I have done some 'soul-searching' for lack of a better term recently about if and what I should talk about lately regarding all that happened to us and things still happening. I'm still working it out, but after some personal fervent prayer during Sunday School prayer time yesterday, our lesson crossed over this verse. Acts 4:20.

Friends, my prayers are with you. You're not alone.

Father's Day

Honestly, I'm still wrapping my head around all that was today. Yes, it was Father's Day, but as wonderful as that was, it was a bit on the backburner since today was also J's dedication day at church. Now, normally I don't make much of parent/baby dedication. Since I'm being honest, it's nice and all, but just something that I have never made much of a fuss over. Sort of one of those things everyone just does just because. And going into it this week, I feared it more than I was excited about it. J just has shown us things over the past few weeks and I wasn't sure how he'd handle it. I was scared we'd have 'the meltdown' in front of the world. And really I didn't want that for him, as I finally feel like this week was the first week I've felt good about our progress here in a while.

So, it went superb. I told my wife, that if I could have imagined it going as great as possible, I wouldn't have imagined him doing that well. Thinking about this day, I went through many variations of what I might like done or said: If I wanted someone to say his verse in Spanish, how much to mention about the adoption, what dates to list, etc. In the end, it was extremely simple, nothing different from any other family, the word adoption never mentioned, and it was perfect. And during the dedicatory prayer, so much emotion filled me that I'm still not sure what it was all about. I held it together, but inside I have to tell you I was swirling. Even after we took the kids out, had a few more pics, and then came back in, I couldn't even sing along with one of the songs for fear of the tears streaming down. Not sad tears, just that uncontrollable emotion that leaks out the eyes because it just can't stay in.

Then, the sermon, with no human coordination at all, because our interim pastor doesn't usually get then info on baby dedications until the day of, came from Galatians 4:1-7. It discussed what else, but our adoption as sons.

Like I said, I still can't wrap my head around all that happened or exactly what I was feeling today. But I'll try to spit some of it out if I can make it make sense.

The now prior Int'l Director (among many others) at our in town agency says that he feels EVERY Christian should at least consider if God may lead them to adoption. I cannot help but agree. It definitely isn't for everyone, but it really should be considered. So many times I've heard people say they just can't understand adoption. If you as a Christian can't 'understand' adoption, how can you really understand God's adoption of us. That is exactly what it is, and those are the Bible's words, not mine.

The other thing I think I'm learning is that just like I'm learning new things all the time about my salvation and life in Christ, and all that really means, I am even still learning more and more about this adoption. It's not something that has happened in the past and is now done, but something that's still developing and growing as well.

Love to you all. Thanks for your continued prayers. Know my prayers continue for you all as well. - T

What you see / What I see

You see an extremely happy child who is friendly to everyone he meets.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's family shopping, looking for a better deal.


You see a child in his 'terrible twos' just throwing a tantrum.
I see a child who makes me wonder if he's okay with all he's been through.


You see a child just acting up with his hitting and biting.
I see a child I'm always concerned is testing us, seeing if he can push us away. Is it attachment? Is it a sensory disorder?


You see a kid who looks nothing like us.
I see my son.


Overall, things are going well with J. I don't mean to imply they are not. However, as an adoptive dad now, I did just want to talk about how some things are different. Not bad, just different. It's like I have to look at everything at least twice, from different viewpoints. There are just some things we have to do with J, that we didn't do with A. (And some things we would love to do that we can't.) Not that every parent of siblings doesn't have to do things differently based on personality, but not all of them give the kids an almost 2yr head start in an institutional, almost anything goes, survival of the fittest type setting before bringing them into their everyday normally busy life.

One of those days...

or evenings at least. Tonight was one of those nights when I looked into the eyes of my boy, and my heart hurt for him. For whatever reason, at supper tonight at church, he just couldn't seem to handle it. He kicked, screamed (a lot), and threw things. Parts of it are 'normal' toddler issues I'm sure, but my gut also said my boy is grieving a bit. Weird thing is, with him there throwing a fit in my arms, I am fairly certain many folks were looking, but even as I thought about it, I didn't care. I didn't really even look to find out. I just kept looking at my boy and quietly telling him I loved him. Was I frustrated? Absolutely! but somehow, I didn't matter so much. I knew I just needed to keep quiet and calm for him. It's hard to describe as it was sort of surreal. He's such an awesome kid. I'm happy to say that even though he had several more bouts of intense crying, once we made it home, he and I had a lot of fun. I needed some stuff at wal-mart, but that was best left for another time. We just came home and continued to play and talk and laugh. He so loves to laugh.

My apologies for a bit of a ramble, especially after a bit of a hiatus. It's just that lately nothing seems to stop. There's more to do than can be done at times, and at others I'm still too tired to do what can, so blogging is left a little behind.

To my friends there in blogland, just know that your struggles, whatever they may be and however visible they may be or not be, are real, but there are people out there who love you, and pray for you daily.

In fact, there's also a Heavenly Father holding you in his arms whispering, shhh. I love you. shhh. I love you forever....

a good day...

First things first. Since I posted a bit about my dread last night of the experience, I have to give kudos to my local Social Security office for today. I got there early, got a good number in line, and was very pleasantly surprised to be called probably within 10 minutes of them opening up. I did have a little scare as the first person who had called my number informed me she couldn't do a card for a foreign born citizen, but she in fact handled it very nicely and got me to the person who could immediately. He was very nice, got all my info, and had me on my way in a very reasonable amount of time. As I said, it was really a good experience overall. The strangest part of it all for me was how much it felt like being back in the embassy in Guatemala with the room of just chairs and the 'windows' along one side where they do the work. It even had the presidential and vice-pres portraits hanging in there, though not as big as the ones in the embassy.

Then, tonight was a special moment for me. I rocked my little boy to sleep. When we started bedtime, he really wanted mommy, but big sis was needing some mommy time too and we try to keep that pretty balanced. Often we can do it all together, but tonight wasn't one of those nights he had the patience for reading sis's longer books. So after he got okay with only having daddy, we read and snuggled and I put him in bed as usual, only he really didn't want to get in the bed. (Insert a mini-fit here). However, all it took was to pick him up. He held me so tight with his head on my shoulder as I held him just as tight, and that is what he wanted tonight to relax. After a bit of standing rocking, I sat down with him to rock, and within a few minutes, he wanted to be held more like a baby and that is how he went to sleep tonight... I must say I had a big smile as I laid him down. He usually never wants to even be held like a baby like that (esp. by me), and to fall asleep in my arms like that, was cool.

I have the greatest kids...

Daddy day today went great. My kids are awesome. It was fun to spend the day with them 'just us'. Mommy seems to have survived the day as well.

There was very little conflict amongst the siblings (thank goodness they were well rested today), and our boy let mommy go without too much fuss. Even better, he was thrilled to see her again when she returned home, and didn't hold it against her. We really had so much fun. It was a beautiful day, so we played outside a good bit, and they even let me squeeze in 1 load of laundry. I also braved a quick trip to the grocery store for some milk and bread type items. The original destination had been the library, but it was closed for Good Friday so we took care of a necessary errand. (I also picked up ice cream at the store to reward mommy at the end of the day.)

Here are a few pics of the day. Probably my greatest feat was actually fixing A's hair and putting a bow in it. It's what she wanted, so I gave it a try. It doesn't look great in the pics, but compared to how she usually winds up when I fix it and considering she's swinging in most of the pics, I was happy.