Nothing too long tonight, just thought I'd ask for prayer for two different Lori 's tonight. One is the Lori who traveled with us to Guatemala. She's still waiting to get back in PGN after a recent KO. The second I don't really know, but is on our agency board and is still waiting to get in PGN the first time and apparently having 'attorney problems'. It's been a couple of months now since everything was supposed to have been ready. I know that pain. I hate that anyone ever has to experience it.

I'm thinking over a few things to write when I have more time or energy, but that isn't tonight.

Do pray for us for a decision we'll be making this week. Much of my decision will be based on if my agency answers me specifically about our kickout tomorrow as I asked them to do on Monday. I'm not really expecting them to. Sad isn't it.

Thinking of you all. - Tim

Borrowing a question from a local gas station sign, Why does NASCAR run counter-clockwise?

Almost as puzzling is why don't my agencies ever ask for better details when speaking with Guatemala? Today's further explanation was that it was 'some form' from the US Embassy, but they didn't know anything else about our kickout. That fills me with confidence, how about you?

Anyway, hope everyone is well. Please pray specifically that a soon to be officially announced requirement for a second DNA test won't hinder us any further if we ever do get to the end of this nightmare. We just read about that today on Guatadopt.com, who is always very informative. We had such a wonderful experience our first go round with DNA testing, as that was the beginning of our major delays. It hit Erin pretty hard that there could possibly be another hurdle (in both time and money) in our path, just because things have taken so long.

Sweet Chicken, Booyakah, and 'I'd do that for a dollar'. - Good Night.

Not worth a title this time.

We got kicked out again. The agency let us know today. Everything seems so far away these days that I wasn't really that shocked by it. I have pretty much given up on trying to estimate any kind of timeline. If it's going to happen, it will happen whenever it does. There's nothing we can really do about it anyway. Talking to the agency is a definite dead end.

As a little follow up on my last post, I emailed the international director Thursday morning. I talked in length about how we weren't feeling supported and empathized with. I said truthfully that I wasn't as upset about what has happened in our case as I am about how it has happened. That is, them constantly being wrong about what they're telling us, and never expressing any empathy. His response, which came Friday morning, was that he started a response, but was leaving on a trip that day, and we would have to wait until Monday. (No I'm sorry included). Actions I guess do speak louder than words. In some ways I felt better as I basically decided they were useless anyway. Other than give us the information, they can't/don't/won't do anything to really be helpful. I'm sure he would have responded Monday, but I wrote him early to say not to. I didn't want him to say anything that would upset me more. I will probably explore some of this with them again in the end, but will try to just hold it until then if I can.
They really don't care what I have to say anyway.

Sorry not to have written more lately. Nanny was here this week so we spent time with her. I've also been reading book 7 with the rest of the world.

Other than that, I'm just tired. It's been so long and we're just so disconnected from any reality of this adoption now, that numb is probably the best description for it.

Hope all of you are well. Keep praying as admittedly I'm in one of those patches where I don't know how to very well.

Thanks again, -Tim

So I called my agency today...

and as usual, got nothing. I didn't really expect anything, but this had probably been one of the longest stints (2 whole weeks) in a while for not actually speaking to them.
I'm just struggling, as I know I cannot be bitter about how this has gone, even though that is very hard.
Is it wrong of me to expect an apology for the lies and other times they've just been wrong? I know I have to forgive them and feel that I have. I just still feel as if they don't even acknowledge that I might have had any reason to be even a little frustrated.
I just don't feel any empathy from them at all really, and I can't understand it. Maybe it's just that I'm going through another party in what I hear, but I don't really get that feeling from my direct contact person. In some ways that makes it even more frustrating to me, since I know my direct contact can't really empathize that much either because it would be 'unprofessional'. She has a relationship and has to speak everyday to the people I'm most frustrated with.

Oh well, tomorrow is 14 months since referral, and I'll continue to wait.
Any new thoughts or perspectives are certainly welcome... mine should allow comments by anyone now also...

Difference of Opinion

I have to say I was quite frustrated on my way to church today. Surrounding the parking lot entrances to my church and 3 others extremely nearby, there were 'abortion opponents' as a newspaper brief described them. When I say 'surrounding', that's pretty much exactly how I saw it. Almost as if they were ready to pounce on anyone passing by, and I'm not sure they didn't 'pounce' on a few. First let me say I am anti-abortion myself. I think I can back that up pretty well considering I am adopting a child an extremely young mother chose to carry with probably very little support from those around her.

However, I think I am also very against this group and their tactics. As you can imagine, their primary means of gaining attention were numerous and enormous signs depicting mangled fetuses. I realize its graphic to say, but that's pretty much what it was. In all their varied signage, I think I saw only one mention of Jesus at all. In some ways I'm glad I guess (not associating his name with their actions), but in reality, just bothered that they'd resort to such tactics, with no show of His love. I really equate their shock tactics to be closer to something a Howard Stern shock jock type would use rather than Jesus.

I guess just with all we've been through in our lives, I'm a little more sensitive to how our actions our viewed, and realize that sometimes hard decisions people have to make dictate providing support more than they do judgement. There has to be a better way of spreading your message than they were using.

If I am against abortion and appalled at how they did what they were doing, how must the rest of the world see them?

Ouch! That hurt.

Today I tried to do something nice. I have been in a training class all week at a different location for work. Anyway, today I got home about an hour early since it was the last day. Smart thinking me was going to cut the grass in the front yard since every free chance I've had to do so, it has been wet. I was going to do it as sort of a surprise for Erin since she was still at work. Well I did. All was going well, until I was literally about two or three more passes from being done. That's when I felt the attack begin. Something suddenly shot a pain through my calf. I looked down to see a yellow jacket. Before I could get that one off even, another stung me and then another. They followed me all the way from near the street to the front porch before I could get the last one off me. Luckily, I only got three really bad stings. I am kind of loopy from the 2 Benadryl I took right after it happened though, and will be taking some more before going to bed in just a few minutes. I guess that's what I get for being nice...(just kidding).
Sorry for the extremely long last post. Just wanted to get that out I guess. Anyway, hope this finds everyone well. I'm praying for you all too, though not too long tonight since I don't think I can stay awake : ) .

When the Mountain Doesn't Move

This process of adoption has been a tremendous test of faith for us. I’m not sure it hasn’t even tested some of those around us, especially our family at times.
The answer to this should be simple after all, right?
The Bible tells us the words of Jesus in Mark 11:23-24: “I assure you: If anyone says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore, I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for--believe that you have received them, and you will have them.”
The same story and basic words are also in Matthew 21:21-22. In Matthew 7:7 and Luke 11:26, Jesus tells us ‘keep asking, and it will be given to you’.
Eureka!
That’s it, we obviously just don’t believe and pray enough. We do not have enough faith.

While I definitely don’t claim to have a superior faith, I don’t think to just unilaterally make that declaration that my faith just isn’t big enough is correct or even Biblical either. Even if my faith isn’t big enough for this adoption, I know there are way too many wonderfully strong and mature Christians praying for us and our son to believe that all their faith combined would still not be enough if it were that simple.

The hard and fast truth for me is that I honestly don’t want a God so small that we could ever manipulate him or press our will upon him just because we said the right words or prayers the right way or did enough of the ‘right things’.

That said, how do resolve the above verses or why bother to pray. Well, for those of you blessed enough to have been at my church yesterday, you heard two great sermons on prayer.
In a quick recap, Sunday morning, we learned that God wants to pray because of His name. Jesus taught us how to pray in the model prayer, and in that prayer, referred to God as father. It’s a personal and relational name. Praying is also about the Kingdom of God. In a kingdom, the will of the king is done. When we pray and acknowledge the Kingdom of God, it helps us surrender to that good and perfect will of God as our King. Our prayer should also be to and for the Glory of God. We pray to bring Him glory as we surrender to him.
Sunday night we learned to pray according to God’s will. We should pray according to the word of God as that is the will of God in written form. We should pray according to the promises of God, and we should pray according to the Spirit of God. I’m especially thankful knowing that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me when I just don’t know what to pray, as are so many of you.

In no way am I trying to be negative so please don’t hear me that way. If I had one thing to interject or change about the message, it would have been to maybe present another side of the happy ending illustration of a toddler in a health crisis who did get better and discuss a little more closely a song three of our youth so beautifully presented. The song is ‘Held’, made popular by Natalie Grant. I’m not sure what CD it’s on of hers, but it is on WOW 2007 if you have that, and want to hear it again. Essentially what the song says (much more eloquently) is we were never promised God would do as we see fit, even if it is what everyone everywhere would think is best (even a sick child getting better). We’re promised that He’s in control and will never leave us. He is our comforter and will hold us, and that is enough if we surrender wholly to Him.
Will we like it? Not necessarily at the time. Will we understand it? Not likely. Will it seem like a 'happy ending' at the time? Certainly not. However, as Christ has proven over and over in my life, when the time comes, if we are looking and listening, we’ll see how wonderful the actual path He took us down was. It is and always will be better than we could hope or imagine, even if we do have to wait for Heaven to understand it.

I’m getting wordy and it’s getting late. All I’m trying to say is that even though I believe my adoption will certainly one day be a happy ending, there are things I’ve experienced in life that probably won’t ever change. I am infertile, as are we as a couple. Nothing seems to indicate that will ever change, despite many prayers for another child before this adoption. However. Christ gave us this adoption, however difficult and I know it is His plan and is better right now. I’m sure there are things in your life to that didn’t go as planned. Perhaps you lost someone too soon, or someone you trusted and loved severely hurt you.
Just because Christ doesn’t change our circumstances, whatever they are, doesn’t mean we don’t have enough faith. If you don’t believe me, just consider this. Paul, who had faith to do miracles, pleaded with the Lord to remove the ‘thorn in the flesh’, and God did not (II Cor 12:9). If one example isn’t enough, or should you still question even his faith, consider that Christ himself prayed in anguish that the Father would remove this cup from him, but God did not (Luke 22:42). Jesus hung on a cross to die for you and me. Jesus prayed and realized as we must that God’s will is better and is what must be done.
And though it was not what anyone around him thought was best or made sense, God proved it was best when He raised Jesus from the dead to save all who believe.

Anyway, I guess what I pray for you all and for myself, is not for the faith that will move the mountain. (I believe God already has those right where he wants them…) I pray for the faith to know that even when the mountain doesn’t move, that God is still there, God is in perfect control, and God loves me and you, and is working what is best for me and you.

One of my favorite verses has always been Philippians 4:7, and I guess that’s sort of what I’m praying for you who read this: that ‘the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, [transcends all understanding] will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus’.

Thank you all again for loving us and caring enough to be interested in our lives.

-Tim.

I just got whipped in Monopoly...

Yes, Monopoly, and yes, we actually finished a game. I went down in a burning heap of bankruptcy. Erin and I have played together the last two weekends actually. It has been kind of fun to just sit and play. Last week we didn't turn on the TV even. This week though, I left the race on. Speaking of NASCAR, how about that finish... If you didn't watch, it was a margin of .004 seconds... The closest ever at Daytona, which broke the record just from the earlier Daytona 500 this year. Pretty cool to watch.
Anyway, not much else to say. Just admitting my utter defeat, and hoping all of you are well.
We're still hoping for really quick news that maybe we'll be done with PGN soon, but know that it still could be a while as the average is still about 8 weeks.

A good night to you all...

A great way to spend the 4th of July

After a slow morning at home, we hung out a long while at the pool having a picnic lunch there, then took in a baseball game and the fireworks this evening. We got to see the B'ham Barons beat the West Tenn Diamond Jaxx 5-2. The fireworks were great too. I actually just got to watch a recap of them again on the news. If only we'd had our boy with us too, but I know that time will come. Hope this finds everyone well and that you all enjoyed your day also. With part of my heart being in Guatemala, it was good to have some good American fun and the fireworks do always make me more patriotic.

We're Back in the Game!!!

Thankfully we finally got the news today that our attorney submitted us back to PGN. Now we wait, hope, and pray for the day we really get out for good. Thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with us and our progress. It really is great knowing there are people everywhere praying for us and our family. To all those other adoptive parents out there, know we're praying for you also.